Questions from a Stanchion

The Stanchion
November 04 2011 09:22PM

                                            

 

Q. When are we allowed to officially panic?

I’m not ready to panic yet. This current group of Canucks seems to always have a similar start to the season before they get going. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t have to constantly shut down that small voice in my head that keeps going “Well, the downward spiral begins now.” The voice sounds an awful lot like Mark Messier. I try and keep him at bay with Frito Lays chips, but he is still in there, chirping away at me. The Canucks problems on the back end have been horrifying to watch to start the year, and our forwards seem to lack any sort of chemistry of any kind. I love Lapierre as much as the next guy, but he shouldn’t be one of our best players right now (More after the jump)

 

Q. Is Toronto for real?

God I hope not. Vancouver is the number one hated team in Canada, I don’t want Toronto trying to steal that title back from us. We’ve earned our title, hands off Leaf fans.

 

Q. Does Alain Vigneault check his closet at night for Craig Mac Tavish?      

I am not suggesting Mac Tavish is the answer, but you have to assume Vigneault is at least relieved the Chicago Wolves are off to a terrible start so he doesn’t have a hot shot coach in the minors knocking on his door, measuring his desk and looking at window dressings.

 

Q.  Should I have watched Storage Wars instead of the Canuck games the last two days?

As a Canuck fan, I will watch every game I can. But I reserve the right to shake my fist during a bad period and think “I sure hope Dave Hester loses out on a really good locker.”

 

Q.  Are we as fans really going to say Salo was the key component to the team winning?

I love Salo. I really do. I am convinced that without injuries he would have been a $6 million dollar d-man in his career. But he should not be the reason the Canucks are playing worse than my buddies and I on Saturday morning ball hockey.  Not that I don’t have a wicked backhand in the slot.

 

Q.  Is Chicago going to be a bloodbath on Sunday?

I’d like to think the Canucks are simply playing down to their competition lately. That they are having trouble “finding their smile.” I’d like to think that Chicago will wake them up and turn the boys around and we will see an amazing game. But I also once thought Sloth from Goonies was real, so what do I know.

 

Q.  Are the Canucks going to make a move on defence?

Just how patient are the Canucks going to be with this defence? We know injuries will happen. But I don’t think Ballard or Alberts will ever be welcome in the top four. If any of you say “Aaron Rome will be back soon” with a straight face, you can see yourself out. The door is right over there. Right beside the Tim Thomas inflatable clown which you are allowed to punch. Once.

 

Q.  Can Jannik Hansen be banned from the top line forever?

If Burrows is injured for a while, can we somehow pay Vigneault to never play Hansen with the Twins again? Hansen with the Twins has been the brainchild of three people on the internet several years now. Tonight they realized their dream. And now we are in the process of finding these three men and beating them for their terrible idea. With bags full of oranges. Hansen was god awful on the top line tonight.

 

Q.  Am I allowed to wear my Bieksa jersey on Sunday without shame?

Or are people going to throw paint at me? I need to clarify the rules on this one. Bieksa, when he is on his game and has Hamhuis playing well, is amazing. Bieksa taken off auto-pilot is like watching a Canadian submarine during World War II. God knows where it’s going to end up, and odds are, it’s going to sink. I pretty much just wanted to use a World War II reference. Mission accomplished.

 

Q.  Is David Booth banned from fighting forever?

That was a terrible terrible terrible fight. I am pretty sure Grizz is so awful at fighting because he hunts teddy bears and not real bears.  “Stuffed bears are fun to hunt because they don’t fight back, they’re easy to find, and they don’t PUNCH ME IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY” wept Booth after the game.

 

Ed73c95199a7c52e70a7ff5fe66a1e13
Current freelance writer for The Province and Canucks Army. You can find me on twitter @thestanchion screaming about sports and making fun of Eddie Lack's gaming skills.
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