November 01 2011 08:46AM
The Jack O'Lanterns are angry. And so am I.
Photo courtesy architectips.com
Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature... 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don't.
In this week's edition, Raffi Torres has got 99 problems and CanucksArmy IS one, I hate on the Oilers, and on myself for giving props TO the Oilers, and some more Hallowe'en stuff.
You know what I hate?! The fact that Raffi Torres didn't think it was a bad idea to wear black makeup and go as Jay-Z for Hallowe'en. It's not so much that it's racist - it's more about being thoughtless and ignorant to the fact it would be a problem. Think about it first, Raffi. Hey Raffi - you know what Kevin Bieksa dressed as for Hallowe'en?! A damn Christmas ELF!!! There is nothing controversial about that! And thus, Kevin Bieksa stays OUT of the tabloids. Now, in case you haven't about this stupidity, read Thomas Drance's article here.
You know what I hate?! Seeing the Edmonton Oilers at the top of the division standings anytime after Oct 12th. Because we have insufferable Oilers fans chirping us incessantly. "Hey, our team's been terrible for over a decade, and we got super lucky in 2006. But FIVE CUPS! SUCK IT, CANUCKS!". We get it. Now go back to being terrible.
You know what I hate?! Finding anything NICE to say about the Oilers. But then Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle went dressed up as the GREEN MEN. And that's pretty awesome. But wait a minute. Doesn't mean that they went out to a Hallowe'en party dressed up as two of the biggest Canucks fans on Earth?! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nice going, dummies!!! Next year, why don't you go out as Harvey the Hound!!?? (/looks at the standings) I'll shut up now.
You know what I hate?! People losing their screws about guesstimated and/or proposed divisional realignment - ESPECIALLY here in Vancouver. Folks, Vancouver has NO options for divisional realignment that improve matters for the Canucks. None. Zilch. Nada. So there is NO point in even debating where Vancouver should go or should they be with Calgary/Edmonton/Winnipeg, or should they be with the Californian teams. The travel for Vancouver is gonna SUCK NUTS no matter what division they're in. The ONLY way travel will EVER improve for the Canucks is if the NHL puts a team in Seattle or Portland. And last time I checked, those two cities aren't exactly beating down the door to get a franchise.
You know what I hate?! That I wasn't watching this video ALL DAY yesterday. I especially love the fact that they couldn't afford the REAL Ray Parker Jr. version, so they cheaped out and used a karaoke version. Brilliant. I shall make up for it by watching once an hour today for the entire day.
You know what I hate?! Running out of candy on Hallowe'en! First, you look like a jerk cuz you were apparently too cheap to buy enough candy for the neighbourhood kids. But more importantly, it means there isn't any LEFTOVERS FOR YOU!!! Then again, that's what having small kids are for. "Oh no, sweetie. You won't like that one. It tastes like cabbage. Let me take that for you." (/eats all the Coffee Crisp bars.) Hehehe - take that, 3-year-old-daughter!
You know what I hate?! BEING LATE ON A POST!!! BAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! I have no excuses, except that it was Hallowe'en yesterday. And I was incredibly busy trying to get kids ready in their costumes. And I was lazy. But other than that, I will abide by Rule #76 from now on! "No excuses. Play like a champion."