Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Thomas Drance
October 04 2011 09:50PM

 

Well there you have it - Ryan Kesler in the buff.

The photo is ultimately somewhat awkward in my honest opinion. I mean I get it, it's meant to channel those statues of Olympians from antiquity and such - but it just doesn't work for me. Don't get me wrong, Kesler's a really good looking fellow with marvelous abs, but something about the pose leaves me cold.

Maybe it's the way his member is hidden between his legs - and how I can't help but think of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs as a result. Or perhaps it's the fact that I could go for a little bit more butt-cheek? Is it the fact that I - a straight dude (allegedly) - spent ten minutes looking at the photo trying to figure out why I wasn't more impressed? Or maybe it's the meta pirate themed hello-kitty figurine in the background of the photo of the photo...

More likely, I'm just disappointed because I  was hoping he'd be naked but on skates, preferably holding a pineapple to cover his junk. I was hoping for a silly action-shot photo, kind of like this classic:

But that's not what this is and that's fine. Regardless of my reaction to the shot - kudos to Kesler for having the balls to bear it all on national newsstands. I could never do it (granted I'm a tubby dude with more body hair than most house-hold pets).

Now to be a fly on the boards lucky enough to hear the chirps that Kesler will endure as a result of this image once he fully recovers from Hip-Labrum surgery and hits the ice over the next couple of weeks... I bet the likes of David Backes will have a field day.

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Thomas Drance lives in Toronto, eats spicy food and writes about hockey. He is the editor in chief of the Nation Network (a.k.a Overlord), and an opinionated blowhard to boot. You can follow him on twitter @thomasdrance.
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