Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Thomas Drance
October 04 2011 09:50PM


Well there you have it - Ryan Kesler in the buff.

The photo is ultimately somewhat awkward in my honest opinion. I mean I get it, it's meant to channel those statues of Olympians from antiquity and such - but it just doesn't work for me. Don't get me wrong, Kesler's a really good looking fellow with marvelous abs, but something about the pose leaves me cold.

Maybe it's the way his member is hidden between his legs - and how I can't help but think of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs as a result. Or perhaps it's the fact that I could go for a little bit more butt-cheek? Is it the fact that I - a straight dude (allegedly) - spent ten minutes looking at the photo trying to figure out why I wasn't more impressed? Or maybe it's the meta pirate themed hello-kitty figurine in the background of the photo of the photo...

More likely, I'm just disappointed because I  was hoping he'd be naked but on skates, preferably holding a pineapple to cover his junk. I was hoping for a silly action-shot photo, kind of like this classic:

But that's not what this is and that's fine. Regardless of my reaction to the shot - kudos to Kesler for having the balls to bear it all on national newsstands. I could never do it (granted I'm a tubby dude with more body hair than most house-hold pets).

Now to be a fly on the boards lucky enough to hear the chirps that Kesler will endure as a result of this image once he fully recovers from Hip-Labrum surgery and hits the ice over the next couple of weeks... I bet the likes of David Backes will have a field day.

Thomas Drance lives in Toronto, eats spicy food and writes about hockey. He is an NHL News Editor at theScore, the ex-managing editor of and an opinionated blowhard to boot. You can follow him on twitter @thomasdrance.
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