February 16 2010 12:25AM
Look at this poor bastard will you? And on Valentine’s Day to boot. Now pretend we are the woman in the clip. Yeah, look at our bouncy brown hair and royal blue Jersey. We’re damn sexy. We don’t need no mans proposing to us at no Rangers game. Who does he think he is anyway? We know damn well where he was last night. He couldn’t have been out with his brother because we saw a picture of his brother on facebook this morning and it was tagged as being last night and th-
Ahem. Let's pretend we are the girl and pretend the man asking us to marry him is the World’s most ecologically friendly Zamboni currently showcased at the Olympic games. If that POS asked us to marry it, we would make like this lady and book it out of the arena. Cause the World’s most ecologically friendly Zamboni is a big piece of crap and broke down for the second day in a row at the Speed Skating Venue.
And before you start telling us that this is an ice surfacing machine and that Zamboni is a brand name and that this is actually an Olympia ice resurfacer – just stow it. Stow it, or so help us we will get up and walk out on you at that Rangers game we are going to together on Valentine’s Day.
HIPPIE WAGON CONKS OUT
It should come as a slap in the face to the eco-friendly Zamboni industry to see their sales showpiece for the next decade has broken down twice in the first three days of the Olympics. Often times with new technologies there are a great many bugs to iron out and you can do little more than cross your fingers for the first few models going out the door.
Somebody somewhere wherever this thing was built must have been pumped to get this Zamboni into the games and rubbed their hands greedily together expecting the world wide orders to pour in.
Two breakdowns in two days and an ice surface that resembles Callingwood Outdoor rink in Late April and you can think again. We can only imagine the party among the Zamboni salesmen run on natural gas and heavy crude Oil are having a field day when they read statements like this on the CTV website: "I realize they wanted to make a green Games ... but Zambonis in the past have worked for years and years and years." At least every news agency isn’t reporting it’s green angle – maybe just CTV will hammer on the point over and over again.
And an interesting question was answered in the ensuing official pants pissing contest.
Q: What is more intense than 45 minutes of speed skating?
A: 45 minutes of watching angry speed skating delegates yelling at BC building managers and alarmed Olympic officials who haven't seen an emergency of this magnitude in years. Postponement of the event you say? Sacrilege Sir!
SO MANY CHANNELS
This Canadian Olympic Media consortium is something isn’t it? The Games are on 146 different channels including The Outdoor Network as we saw today about 0.124 seconds before our mind was blown. The Outdoor Network too? Is there anyone who hasn’t been caught up in Olympic fever? Ok, anyone other than Dale Begg-Smith?
By the ghost of Tetjana Huefner of Germany, there is something unholy about Sportsnet telling me to go to TSN to see an event.
It ain’t right.
Speaking of Sportsnet, even your ol’ pal Wanye with our heart of stone enjoyed Gene Principe interviewing Sidney Crosby on CTV last night. Poor Gene has to lob softball questions at the Oilers night after night, when what they need most is battery acid tossed in their direction. We don't really think much about what a crappy job it must be to interview some of these smug bastards night after night, watching them mail it in and then cash their enourmous cheques.
But Gene's pleasant demeanour with Crosby was right positively heart warming and just what was needed for the situation. And when he asked Crosby if “he thought he would sleep well tonight?” Well, we thought of how well Gene would sleep fondly remembering interviewing Sidney Crosby and thought to ourselves “yes, yes. Things are going to turn out fine."
When Principe doesn’t have the joy left in him to continue to do this night after night then there will be a problem. But not now, not today. Well done you old lug. It can’t be fun covering these Oilers day after day and the fact you aren't beaten down is a testament to the rest of us.
Enjoy yourself covering some real hockey Gene, you've earned it.