LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Wanye
February 12 2010 02:42PM

We will lead off by saying that we get excited about the Olympics. A 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber autograph signing type excited. So you will have to take us with a grain of salt once the games kick get underway as we post 12,789 gushing comments like “Aren’t the Canadian Mens’ two man bobsled team the BOMB? Can you believe that Lyndon Rush won’t sled with Pierre Lueders anymore? What’s up with that?

Most people are going into these games with the attitude of “Olympic hockey is the only thing that matters and don’t waste my time with anything else.” We can respect the fact that the Ice Hockey is numbero uno prioritato at these here games and we can guarantee that you can get your Olympic Hockey fix right here provided you are cheering on the home team.

And while the 3 Nations are temporarily coming together for a common cause, it in no way means that we have anything in common with that TLP – who we might add is an American and probably holds out some sort of weird hope that Ron Wilson can Coach the Red White and Blue to a fourth place finish.

FAT CHANCE

Cheering for Team Canada is going to be a damn sight better than the status quo up here in Edmonton, which has consisted lately of 12,789 articles about “who gets traded when and for what” and researching “all time losses in a row.” In fact it might be difficult for us to get our collective Oilers loving heads around cheering for hockey that matters again, but we are going to give it a shot.

Plus, there isn’t a single Oiler on Team Canada, which will give all of us pain stricken Oilers fans a two week break from having our hearts kicked in by the same old suspects on a nightly basis without being a turncoat and cheering for a different team. It’s basically one of the first win-win scenarios we have seen here in awhile.

To kick off the Olympic fun, we are going to give you a quick breakdown of some Olympic Hockey Biz. Let’s start getting our heads in the game Nations.

OLYMPIC BREAKDOWN

Remember the 2006 games in Turin? Wasn’t that just the worst thing that ever happened ever? For the thousands of four year old Nation readers out there who may not remember the last Olympics and might think that the greatest hockey country in the world finished respectably, think again.

Final Standings – 2006 Olympic Men’s Ice Hockey

1. Sweden (Gold)

2. Finland (Silver)

3. Czech Republic (Bronze)

4. Russia

5. Slovakia

6. Switzerland

7. Canada

8. United States

9. Kazakhstan

10. Germany

11. Italy

12. Latvia

You might look at the top of the standings and ask yourself “Gee whiz, where’s the Canadian team? I could swear we sent all our best players over to Italy to play…” Look down the ladder. Waaaaay down there to 7th place. Yep, that’s right. 2 spots ahead of the birth place of Borat sits the Canadian team. Small consolation that we finished ahead of the Americans when you let the Swiss finish ahead of you in the standings.

Ugh. The Swiss.

PAYBACK

You have to think that the Canadians – and the Americans for that matter – are looking for sweet, sweet revenge at these here Olympic Games. Before we start pumping ourselves up about the new roster, we thought we would take a look back at the roster that screwed the pooch back in ’06 and see who is returning to dispense some West Coast Payback on our collective behalf.

2006 Olympic roster

G Martin Brodeur (back)

G Roberto Luongo (back)

G Marty Turco (gonzo)

D Rob Blake (A) (gonzo)

D Jay Bouwmeester (gonzo)

D Adam Foote (gonzo)

D Bryan McCabe (gonzo)

D Chris Pronger (A) (back)

D Wade Redden (gonzo)

D Robyn Regehr (gonzo)

F Todd Bertuzzi (gonzo)

F Shane Doan (gonzo)

F Kris Draper (gonzo)

F Simon Gagné (gonzo)

F Dany Heatley (back)

F Jarome Iginla (back)

F Vincent Lecavalier (gonzo)

F Rick Nash (back)

F Brad Richards (gonzo)

F Joe Sakic (C) (gonzo)

F Ryan Smyth (gonzo)

F Martin St. Louis (gonzo)

F Joe Thornton (back)

Reserves

Dan Boyle (back)

Jason Spezza (gonzo)

Eric Staal (back)

Oh man, it is no small wonder that the Canadians did so crappy in 2006? Do you see who some of these players are? Kris Draper? Todd Bertuzzi? Bryan McCabe? Har har har har har!

*wipes eyes, blows nose*

That’s good stuff. Let’s look more in depth at the changes to the squad.

GOALTENDING

Turco is out, Fleury is in and this will be Brodeur’s squad to lead onto the ice in Van City. Nothing too crazy here we don’t think. Turco is getting a bit long in the tooth and MAF has won a Cup and theoretically has what it takes to win big games. We would clearly consider this Brodeur’s squad though and Fleury is in charge of sitting in the stands near the bench, looking as cool as he can muster and telling girls in the bar that he is “an Olympic gold medalist in training.”

DEFENSIVE CORPS

Amazingly, only one defenseman from 2006 is returning to the Olympic Team; world famous baby daddy Chris F.U. Pronger. Technically Niedermayer was on the 2006 squadron too, but an injury took him out of the lineup and threw McCabe in. The idea that some of these players were the best defenseman that the 2006 Edition of Canada could produce is a tad alarming.

This 2010 edition being iced is certainly a superior squad, younger, tougher and much more sexy with the deletion of Adam Foote. Some of the ‘06 defensemen led to a hearty round of laughter and table smashing here at OilersNation HQ. McCabe? Redden? Please, our sides are hurting. Wade Redden couldn’t be loved less in NY and McCabe has gone to Florida where NHL’ers retire 4 years before they actually leave the league.

FORWARDS

10 forwards aren’t coming back from last Olympics and that is just A-OK from where we sit. This is certainly a new squad, let’s hope there is going to be a different result. We are pumped beyond belief to see the Corey Perrys the Ryan Getzlafs of the world in a Team Canada Jersey. Finally we too can cheer for some players that have been sticking it to the Oil for what seems like hundreds of years without guilt of abandoning the home squad.

Ladies and Gentlemen – your 2010 Olympic Roster

G Martin Brodeur

G Marc-André Fleury

G Roberto Luongo

D Dan Boyle

D Drew Doughty

D Duncan Keith

D Scott Niedermayer – C

D Chris Pronger – A

D Brent Seabrook

D Shea Weber

F Patrice Bergeron

F Sidney Crosby – A

F Ryan Getzlaf

F Dany Heatley

F Jarome Iginla – A

F Patrick Marleau

F Brenden Morrow

F Rick Nash - A

F Mike Richards

F Corey Perry

F Eric Staal

F Joe Thornton

F Jonathan Toews

Reserve

F Jeff Carter

HOW WILL THEY DO?

Yes Amanda, we are number one.

We are the same guy who picks Oilers in every single hockey draft every single year regardless of how the team is actually going to look. Our 933rd place standing in the NationDraft will attest to that and so it should come as no surprise that we are going to pick Canada to win Gold. But unlike picking Comrie to outscore Bobby Ryan (which we also did) we think that the Canadians actually will win Gold, picking with our brains over our hearts.

Predicato del resultat:

1. Canada (Gold)

2. Russia (Silver)

3. Sweden (Bronze)

4. Finland

5. United States

6. Czech Republic

7. Slovakia

 

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#52 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 04:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

They just showed that Georgian's last run on SportsCenter....

Avatar
#53 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 12 2010, 04:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@BUCK75

duct tapes solves that problem

Avatar
#54 DougWeightProblem
February 12 2010, 04:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
SirFozz wrote:

Well ya maybe. But then he'd go into the future, get a hover board, then go back in time and swoop in and catch it.

BTTF IV here we come! Christopher Lloyd and I will share producing credits with you ...

Avatar
#55 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 04:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Wanye wrote:

Holy crap. Er yeah. Ill actually flip that out, but for the record I didn't know about that happening when I wrote this.

Um, EXCUSE ME? I'm pretty sure there's a huge difference between two man bobsled and luge. One is a death trap. The other gives you an excuse to rub up against your friend while wearing a skin tight suit. Also, it's a death trap. SHEEESH.

Avatar
#56 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 04:11PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

BIG NEWS! SportsCenter is reporting Wayne Gretzky will not light the cauldron.

I guess if Muhammad Ali could light the thing Marty McFly probably could without a hitch too.

Avatar
#57 David S
February 12 2010, 04:14PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

This site is going to be unviewable with a hangover over the next couple of weeks.

Avatar
#58 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 12 2010, 04:15PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
David S wrote:

This site is going to be unviewable with a hangover over the next couple of weeks.

the key to that is to just stay drunk.

Avatar
#59 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 04:16PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
jeanshorts wrote:

Um, EXCUSE ME? I'm pretty sure there's a huge difference between two man bobsled and luge. One is a death trap. The other gives you an excuse to rub up against your friend while wearing a skin tight suit. Also, it's a death trap. SHEEESH.

Bahahaha

As an aside......ummmmm...want to get into 2 person bobsled with me? *bats eyelashes*

Avatar
#60 Librarian Mike
February 12 2010, 04:18PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
SirFozz wrote:

Bahahaha

As an aside......ummmmm...want to get into 2 person bobsled with me? *bats eyelashes*

I'm not sure coaches and players getting together is a good idea, Coach James Ronaldo...

*hears karma sirens in the distance*

Avatar
#61 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 04:20PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
BUCK75 wrote:

BIG NEWS! SportsCenter is reporting Wayne Gretzky will not light the cauldron.

I guess if Muhammad Ali could light the thing Marty McFly probably could without a hitch too.

I'd put legitimate money down on it being Betty Fox. Gretzky would be amazing, but, come on. No one can compete with Terry Fox, nor his hobbling ghost.

EDIT: WHOA 420 MAN! *unleashes one single chortle so hard he's knocked unconscious until the 2014 Sochi Olympics*

Avatar
#62 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 12 2010, 04:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
jeanshorts wrote:

I'd put legitimate money down on it being Betty Fox. Gretzky would be amazing, but, come on. No one can compete with Terry Fox, nor his hobbling ghost.

EDIT: WHOA 420 MAN! *unleashes one single chortle so hard he's knocked unconscious until the 2014 Sochi Olympics*

terry fox hologram lighting that cauldron up?

imagine the pot heads dealing with that

Avatar
#63 SirFozz
February 12 2010, 04:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Librarian Mike wrote:

I'm not sure coaches and players getting together is a good idea, Coach James Ronaldo...

*hears karma sirens in the distance*

If only the players would keep their mouths shu....oh those sirens.

*lights house on fire and runs*

Avatar
#64 I'm a Scientist!
February 12 2010, 04:23PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
jeanshorts wrote:

I'd put legitimate money down on it being Betty Fox. Gretzky would be amazing, but, come on. No one can compete with Terry Fox, nor his hobbling ghost.

EDIT: WHOA 420 MAN! *unleashes one single chortle so hard he's knocked unconscious until the 2014 Sochi Olympics*

Agreed... Besides that Betty White is one hot Golden Girl...Wait, what? Betty Fox?

*enters a shame spiral that would make Tiger Woods blush*

Avatar
#65 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 12 2010, 04:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

latest rumour is terry fox's mom running along side a hologram of terry fox for the final leg and lighting that b1tch up.

crazy if true

Avatar
#66 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 04:37PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Jagr carrying Czech flag tonight. Let's hope security can keep Tambellini far enough away to prevent him from offering a 10 million dollar contract to him while walking.

Avatar
#67 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 04:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
BUCK75 wrote:

Jagr carrying Czech flag tonight. Let's hope security can keep Tambellini far enough away to prevent him from offering a 10 million dollar contract to him while walking.

hahaha AHHHHH it would be less funny if it wasn't so god damn plausible. I may head down there a little later, just to "keep an eye on things".

Avatar
#69 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 04:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
I'm a Scientist! wrote:

An excellent way to kickstart my olympic obsession! Two weeks of watching sports I would never ever watch...

*sets his PVR to record figure skating ice dance*

http://www.rachaelflatt.net/

Avatar
#70 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 12 2010, 04:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Wanye wrote:

I heard this too - it would be amazing.

Unless hologram is accidentally set to kill mode - at which point we are all in huge crap.

Hologram: KILL HUMAN

All of us: *nervously adjusts collar* Um, holograms don't have the ability to occupy actual space do they? This will be like fighting a ghost right?

ghostbusters 3?

Avatar
#71 DK0
February 12 2010, 05:15PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

*clears throat*

Ahem...

LET'S DOOOOOOOoooooo THIS!!!1!

*glances over and sees a 4 skated ski suit wearing abomination being ridden by an already drunk and naked Towel Boy*

DAMMIT! I'M LATE TO THE PARTY AGAIN!?!?

Avatar
#72 David S
February 12 2010, 05:26PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Damn. Jennifer Hedger is hot.

And married, apparently.

*Begins to sob and crosses Hedger off "potentials" list.*

Avatar
#73 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
February 12 2010, 05:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Great new layout, guys!

I love the smell of #FF0000 in the morning!

Avatar
#74 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 05:34PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@David S

She's looking real good today. Must be that crisp, BC air.

*begins to drool and marks Hedger on his "stalkable" list*

Avatar
#75 Ender
February 12 2010, 05:34PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Great. I spent all that time Photoshopping Gregor's Canucks ice-girl into the proper Oiler attire, and now I've got to start all over again and suit her up for Canada.~

Ahhhhh . . . Our Canadian ice-girl is finished, and she looks great. A better ambassador than even our beloved Humantorch, that's what she is.

I tried to put an image of Horse-Wanye leaning over her shoulder with one hoof-skate debonairly tapping his teeth, but it didn't work out. Sorry, my Man. Maybe next time.

Avatar
#76 David S
February 12 2010, 05:37PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Whoa! Kelly Vanderbeek? WoW!

She's like 27 and married to a 40 year old guy.

Avatar
#77 BUCK75
February 12 2010, 05:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@David S

What's with all these hot skiers? Lindsey Vonn, Christine Nesbitt & Kikkan Randall.

FYI to twitter peeps, @verified/olympians is a list of olympians.

Avatar
#78 David S
February 12 2010, 05:53PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

This red background theme is killing my eyes.

Avatar
#79 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 06:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Terry Fox is going to light the torch!!

Avatar
#80 Suntory Hanzo
February 12 2010, 06:06PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Have row 21 Tix to the Canada US Game! Super pumped.

Went to the Norway-UBC game on Wednesday. Chatted with Patrick Thoreson as he had just arrived from Germany. Nice guy. Tough to understand. 7th in KHL scoring!! Why would we want Jagr?

Avatar
#81 JackBauer
February 12 2010, 06:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Wanye wrote:

I heard this too - it would be amazing.

Unless hologram is accidentally set to kill mode - at which point we are all in huge crap.

Hologram: KILL HUMAN

All of us: *nervously adjusts collar* Um, holograms don't have the ability to occupy actual space do they? This will be like fighting a ghost right?

Well there is that hologram from Star Trek the Next Generation where he was able to take over the Enterprise. If he can do it there, it can happen anywhere cant it???!!?!?!?!

Avatar
#82 JackBauer
February 12 2010, 06:16PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Suntory Hanzo wrote:

Have row 21 Tix to the Canada US Game! Super pumped.

Went to the Norway-UBC game on Wednesday. Chatted with Patrick Thoreson as he had just arrived from Germany. Nice guy. Tough to understand. 7th in KHL scoring!! Why would we want Jagr?

We already had Patrick on our team. We waived him.

Avatar
#83 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
February 12 2010, 06:19PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
JackBauer wrote:

Well there is that hologram from Star Trek the Next Generation where he was able to take over the Enterprise. If he can do it there, it can happen anywhere cant it???!!?!?!?!

There was also Wolf Blitzer in the Situation Room, I think.

Avatar
#84 Shawn Cronin
February 12 2010, 07:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Why can't they sing the anthem like it is meant to be sung, not the freaking remix version. Awful.

Avatar
#85 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 07:20PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

This opening is a FREAKING EMBARASSMENT!!!

Avatar
#86 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 07:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Beijing had fireworks and we have Indians?? I don't mean it to be racist at all. I'm just saying that is not the first impression that I would want to give the world of our country. We got a guy boarding down a mountain and a "welcoming" that nobody was clapping for......

Avatar
#87 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 07:23PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Shawn Cronin wrote:

Why can't they sing the anthem like it is meant to be sung, not the freaking remix version. Awful.

x2

Avatar
#88 Archaeologuy
February 12 2010, 07:32PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Bryzarro World wrote:

Beijing had fireworks and we have Indians?? I don't mean it to be racist at all. I'm just saying that is not the first impression that I would want to give the world of our country. We got a guy boarding down a mountain and a "welcoming" that nobody was clapping for......

Beijing had computer generated fireworks and an ugly little girl singing behind the scenes with a cute little girl lip-synching out front. Now THAT is an embarassment.

Avatar
#89 Harlie
February 12 2010, 07:33PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Shawn Cronin wrote:

Why can't they sing the anthem like it is meant to be sung, not the freaking remix version. Awful.

I thought it was good. Actually sounded like a song from the radio. Not the acapella organ crap we hear 82 hundred times a year.

Avatar
#90 Harlie
February 12 2010, 07:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@Archaeologuy

they also made it rain and gave out free dust masks. How awesome is that!

Avatar
#91 Archaeologuy
February 12 2010, 07:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@Harlie

I thought she sang really well, but I dont know if I liked that version of the Anthem.

Avatar
#92 Harlie
February 12 2010, 07:37PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

i think I may have to tune into a few of the Danish womens events.

Avatar
#93 Archaeologuy
February 12 2010, 07:38PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Harlie wrote:

they also made it rain and gave out free dust masks. How awesome is that!

Yeah, always great to see athletes ditch the opening ceremonies due to concerns regarding the breathability of the air.

Avatar
#94 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 07:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Shawn Cronin wrote:

Why can't they sing the anthem like it is meant to be sung, not the freaking remix version. Awful.

That chick has a great voice. But between that gussied up version of the anthem, and that nauseating "I Believe" song she's 0 for 2 so far.

Avatar
#95 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 07:44PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

Oh, and on a far more important note; How many smokin' hot girls are competing in these Olympics????? My lord it's an amazing crop!

Avatar
#96 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 07:49PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@Archaeologuy

So what... The show was awsome and the opening drum bit got everyone going. This one puts you to sleep.

Never said she didn't have a good voice, just that her rendition was horrible. Brutal. Went on.... and on... zzzzzz

Avatar
#97 Archaeologuy
February 12 2010, 07:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@Bryzarro World

I agree about the rendition, it didnt sound like our National Anthem.

I was hoping for something a little bigger right at the opening too, but oh well. I cant change it.

Avatar
#98 Chris.
February 12 2010, 07:59PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props
Archaeologuy wrote:

I thought she sang really well, but I dont know if I liked that version of the Anthem.

I thought Nikki looked, and sounded really nice. I said to the wife, "In Beijing they had a prepubescent girl sing the anthem... In CANADA we top that with a HOT sixteen year old girl!"

Then she hit me... because society demanded it.

Avatar
#99 Archaeologuy
February 12 2010, 08:01PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@Chris.

You should tell her that this is a time for celebrating cultural diversity, and in many of the nations (Oilernation included?) 16 is practicly too old.

Avatar
#100 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 08:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
+1
0
props

@Chris.

Just told the wife what you wrote and got punched cause I was laughing my ass off.

Comments are closed for this article.