09-09-09

Wanye
September 09 2009 11:45AM

 09_09_09

We have a buddy who has convinced himself for some reason that today - 09-09-09 - is a day of of magic and wonder because of the fact the date can be summarized with the same number thrice. We wonder if everyone has a buddy like this, who looks at the calendar several times a year and exclaims “DAMN SON! Do you realize that it’s (insert stupid date here)” Then he looks around in awe and wonder, as though gumdrops will rain from the sky simply because it’s September 9, 2009.

We may not subscribe to stupidity in a grandiose scale, but we can agree that all sorts of interesting things are happening. Much like our colleague Jason Gregor has already noted today, it seems like forever since we have written on the hallowed ground that is the Nation. But unlike Gregor, who is taking his time away to decipher the transgenderedness of Lady Gaga we have busied ourselves getting things ready for the new season.

If you had told us when we launched this site that it would still be around in 2009 we would have roundhouse kicked you in the thorax and then told on you for lying right to our face. Then after we had calmed down from all the crying, we would have probably asked you “does the 2009 version of the Nation have an edit button on comments?” Then you would have been forced to say no, then it would have been back to the kicking and the tattling.

New site on the way

As part of our “throw your life down the toilet and get on with living in the river valley 2009 Edition” we have sat down with some genius progamming types to plot out the future of the Nations. For those of you folks who are new to the Nation, we have had hilarious problems with trying to improve the Nations in offseasons past. The current version of the Nation was launched in December 2008. But much like a pair of Size 32 trousers on Dustin Penner, we too have since outgrown it. So now we have spent the past 2 weeks looking at other websites, stealing ideas, eating granola bars, talking to people way higher on the food chain than we are and putting together a new version of the Nation which will launch sometime in October.

New Gear on the way

We have also received a few emails from folk asking why we have taken down the Nation Gear store on the site. The reason is quite simple one. But because we don’t understand web development, computers and refer to electricity as “a miracle,” we won’t embarass ourselves with an explanation. Suffice to say that the site kept crashing in large part due to the e-commerce department of the operation. The web developers we are now working with reviewed the site and laughed heartily at many of its components. “Har! Har! Har” they would guffaw, “you must be some kind of stupid to have paid for this garbage Wanye. ”

That was the point of the meeting when the roundhouse kicking and the tattling began anew.

The point of this story? Yes, we are getting new Nation Gear for the 2009-10 season and yes, it is going to be cheaper than it was last year and yes, it is going to be a wicked new design and yes, there are going to be hats too. It truly is a new beginning.

Jonathan Willis

genius

Well, well, well. Speaking of a new beginning let’s take a moment to discuss our good friend Jonathan Willis for a moment shall we? You remember Jonathan Willis right? The guy who has taken more shots to the face than the entire UFC combined from some people over the past 18 months? The guy who has written more articles about the Oilers than the Edmonton Journal in it’s entire history? Well all you Willis haters can just get ready to eat a triple helping of wang because:

*massive drum roll*

Jonathan Willis has been hired by the Score

surprize

We can hear the haters right now “But how can this be? What am I to do? Why won’t girls ever talk to me?" That friends, is because you are ugly. Ugly and terrible smelling and you can’t judge talent for shit. Bob Coatsworth, head-big-cheese-massive-deal-guy at The Score sure can though. We discussed this during a lengthy email chat, and we asked him about Willis, the big move and tried to hit him up for a $50 loan (he said he would think about it.)

“We are really excited about this move to bring Willis aboard. As far as hockey bloggers go, there are very few that are as good with analysis, opinion and are especially as prolific as Jonathan. I first started reading Jonathan last winter and kept an eye on him knowing that hiring a full-time hockey blogger was something we'd eventually be able to do. In June we got the okay to do it and then I spent the summer making sure that I couldn't find someone better. I realized right away that would be impossible. The Score has recognized the value of blogs for a while now.  There have been blogs of some type on our site going back as far as maybe 2001 or 2002. But it wasn't until the last three years or so, when more resources started going into the website, that we really put effort into blogs to varying degrees of success and failure. Sports blogs are a great complement to the MSM. They don't get much respect because any old keyboard warrior can start one up, but among the hundreds that might do that, there's always a few that dedicate themselves to it and contribute something really valuable. Gone are the days that it's necessary to go to journalism school to get this kind of opportunity. The web has proven that."

Question: How awesome is this? Answer: Very. Big ups to the Score for their forward thinking and general niceness.

Let's all go look at Willis' new site shall we?

Does this mean Willis is leaving OilersNation?

Somehow during negotiations, Willis pounded his fist on the table and demanded he be allowed to continue to write here in addition to his duties for the monolithic Score Corporation. And for some reason or other, The Score agreed. While all you Willis haters are scratching your heads over that one, do us a favor and quickly punch yourself in the face. Just a l'il one for your ol' pal Wanye.

Yeah.

For those of you who skip to the end of articles to start commenting here is a summary:

  • Jonathan Willis now writes for The Score and is bascially guaranteed a Pulitzer Prize within hours.
  • Jonathan Willis insisted that he be allowed to continue to write for the Nations and impossibly the Score agreed.
  • Wanye talked to a big cheese at The Score and he was a nice guy.
  • Jonathan Willis supporters are wildly and violently celebrating in the streets. Willis haters are being brutally attacked in their homes and their businesses are being shunned en masse.
  • Jonathan Willis has the power of X-Ray vision and the ability to fly.

celebrate

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Joe
September 09 2009, 11:55AM
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Congratulations Jonathan!

Always enjoy reading your articles, and I'm glad that someone in a higher position than me recognized them.

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#2 OvenChicken8
September 09 2009, 11:58AM
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Finally a real picture of Wanye *swoons to his G-force*

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#3 ronaldo
September 09 2009, 12:03PM
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How come Willis drove to Van if he can fly? *scratches head in deep thought- wonders if it's part of an elaberate cover-up* And if I haven't already said it elsewhere- congrats J-Dub. Edit button- woohoo.

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#4 OilersinOntario
September 09 2009, 12:03PM
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Great news for Willis even though we'll likely see less of him. Congrats.

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#5 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 12:04PM
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@ OvenChicken8:

Do you see my kick ass nunchuck collection in the background? Don't mess with me my man. Not now, not ever.

*swings nunchuck in a circle once, hits self in face causing irreperable damage to his orbital bone*

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#6 jayoilfan
September 09 2009, 12:05PM
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Freakin awesome, JW totally deserves it! ON will have a good link to bigger and better.

Wanye, this site has come a long long long...long way.

and it is still climbing - fantabulous.

long time reader and sometime poster, jayoilfan

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#7 toprightcorner
September 09 2009, 12:06PM
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Congrats Jonathan! Nobody puts as much effort into his articles as you do. Maybe I am a little selfish, but I will be a little disappointed that the number of articles you submit to ON will be reduced. I guess I will just have to visit The Score website from time to time.

Don't forget the little people and make sure you throw us a stat or formula to us bottom feeders every now and again!!

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#8 The Towel Boy
September 09 2009, 12:07PM
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In an amazing coincidence...this article has allowed me to cross off five tasks from my list of things to do today:

- Pressure Wanye for a new site design. CHECK.

- Be around to watch Jonathan Willis become more famous. CHECK.

- Witness copious amounts of roundhouse kicks. CHECK.

- Some how will the production of new nation gear. CHECK.

- Look at a calendar. CHECK.

This is just fabulous.

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#9 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 12:09PM
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@ The Towel Boy:

I think you forgot one:

- Make excellent use of bolding in a comment on the nation. CHECK.

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#10 Ssseth
September 09 2009, 12:12PM
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Congrats Jonathan. Well earned and deserved.

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#11 442Junkie
September 09 2009, 12:12PM
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Is that the entire yearly Nation budget in your hands Wanye? Hundred Dolla Bills Y'ALL!

Oh and way to go JW! Does that mean you're going to have real credentials now? Take that Stau...oh right, we're not kicking that dead horse anymore.

*backs slowly out of the room, runs back in for one last kick before smugly turning away*

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#12 dyckster
September 09 2009, 12:12PM
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Wanye,

Nice stache. You sportin a serious knife collection too homedog.

That cash will get you a lot of granola bars, you might even be able to make the jump from generic to name brand stuff.

*goes back to eating expired presidents choice g/bar while waiting for the next big Poweraid sale*

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#13 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 12:23PM
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@ dyckster:

The knives are there for show. It's the nunchuckery that brings the pain. On a similar note to the powerade sale, did you know some Subway locations have $5 footlong subs after 5 PM?

That is mad decent. I found that out last night and can't stop thinking about it for some reason.

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#14 Travis Dakin
September 09 2009, 12:24PM
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@ Wanye Gretz: If you had told me back when this site first shot out of the proverbial womb that OilersNation would have come this far, well as that whole Comrie thing has proven, I would have had to believed you. I must say, If things were as rosey in the real Oilers Nation as they are on this site we'd be planning the parade route right about now. Yes we would have psychic abilities.

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#15 West End Mike
September 09 2009, 12:26PM
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What does Stauffer have to say about all this? He was just busting Willis' chops a week or two ago. Congrats JW. You've earned it.

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#16 Colin
September 09 2009, 12:27PM
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Well I hope you can keep doing what you obviously love JW. There's lots to be said for living the dream.

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#17 MattL
September 09 2009, 12:27PM
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Yeah Willis! Hard work always pays off in the end. Keep on doing what you do!

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#18 Dan the Man
September 09 2009, 12:34PM
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But much like a pair of Size 32 trousers on Dustin Penner, we too have since outgrown it.

That line made my chocolate milk come up through my nose. I plan on stealing it and using it at some point...now if only I had an idea for an awesome website that I would soon outgrow....

Also congrats to JW, I've always enjoyed your work amd now I have a reason to visit the score.ca

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#19 socaldave
September 09 2009, 12:34PM
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atta boy, JW - although I think Wanye sells you short with just a Pulitzer. I finally believe World Peace in our lifetime is possible. I'd say Wanye's lifetime, but those nunchuck warriors don't often make it past 22.

Especially then ones that keep cracking themselves in the skull.

Funny how that works.

@ Wanye Gretz:

I have like 17 $5 subs a week down here! It's GLORIOUS!

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#20 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 12:36PM
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@ Travis Dakin:

Can you imagine if the Oil don't make the playoffs this year and there has been 4 seasons of OilersNation playoff free commentary?

We would literally all have to have a summit meeting to plan a bloody takeover of the team. We could install Willis as GM, Brownlee as Director of Player Personnel and Intimidation and Gregor could be Director of Male Modeling.

JSBM would be the waterboys of course. Nude waterboys at their insistence.

socaldave wrote:

I have like 17 $5 subs a week down here! It’s GLORIOUS!

You have known all along? WHY DID YOU KEEP THIS INFORMATION TO YOURSELF??

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#21 dyckster
September 09 2009, 12:37PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Subway locations have $5 footlong subs after 5 PM?

I can't believe the miles they've gotten from the whole Jared Fogle gig. Who da thunk it, some fat guy starts a "diet" soley consisting of Subway grub, loses like, 200 pounds and he's almost as famous as the ON writers....Fack.

I'm gonna go on a Bud Lite Lime diet, maybe I'll get to hang out with those sexy Bud Lite behotches. Take that Jared!

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#22 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 12:39PM
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@ dyckster:

I read somewhere that Fogle has to be weighed in on a regular basis and has strict clauses in his contract about gaining back weight. What a clown.

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#23 ronaldo
September 09 2009, 12:43PM
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@ WG @ dyckster

I heard Jared didn't lose the weight because of Subway but because he has AIDS. It was on either 60 Minutes or Southpark- either way reputable sources.

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#24 Travis Dakin
September 09 2009, 12:48PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Can you imagine if the Oil don’t make the playoffs this year and there has been 4 seasons of OilersNation playoff free commentary?

Can you imagine what playoff commentary on the Nation would be like? Seriously, it's like I'm a virgin and waiting for that one magical day when my number gets pulled and I get served. I mean, I think I have an idea of what it might be like.... I've practiced thousands of times over for just such a chance. I've got the landscaping taken care of for the optical effect. Cologne is on, protection is ready, just waiting...... waiting and lurking.

One day..... one day.

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#25 Archaeologuy
September 09 2009, 12:48PM
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Most importantly, Does Willis get a press pass now? Will it work better than Wanye's New Gear section? Can the Towel Boy's infamous fatboy shooting AK-47 be included in new gear? What really happens when you cross streams? Can JW ask Cabbie to sign an autograph? Will there EVER be an edit button?

*hysterical laughter turns into hysterical sobbing, archaeologuy wakes up in the fetal position and drowning in a pool of his own saliva*

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#26 Rocksteady
September 09 2009, 12:50PM
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Less is more Bob-o wrote... well I think the score thinks quite the opposite. More is more Bob, more is more.

Well done Willis, however I would have named my blog over at the score - Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis! I'm sure you never heard that before. I am so original.

Congrats, and Wanye good luck with Oilersnation 3.0.. at least that's the revision I think this site is at?!

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#27 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 12:50PM
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@ Travis Dakin:

Two years ago we designed a special skin for the Nation for when the Oilers make the playoffs. It is so cool. I often look at it and smash things around the house.

"One day..... one day." - that should be our site motto.

Rocksteady wrote:

Congrats, and Wanye good luck with Oilersnation 3.0.. at least that’s the revision I think this site is at?!

This will be version 3.0 yes. We have sort of committed to redeveloping the site every season until we buy our own NHL team, move it to Canada and put it in the Old Rexall Place when the Oilers move into RX2. Then we will sign Ryan Smyth (Age 43) and he will lead the team to a satisfying 12-68-2 record.

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#28 PunjabiOil
September 09 2009, 12:51PM
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Congrats Willis. Just shows you how far hard effort can go.

As for ON, it's shocking how you fast you guys grew in 1 years. Great business model, and a great alternative to sites like the Oilers homepage or HF.

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#29 ronaldo
September 09 2009, 12:52PM
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@ TravisDakin *Crosses fingers it's not 4 and out and prematurely done before it gets a chance to really start*

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#30 bingofuel
September 09 2009, 12:53PM
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@ PunjabiOil:

Thanks for the props, man. I hope you'll be writing more at your website, too. I always enjoy me some PunjabiOil.

Also, just to correct you, we've been around for nearly TWO WHOLE YEARS NOW! Where does the time go?

*opens his OilersNation 2007 Yearbook, notes how dumb Wanye's hair looked back then, sheds single tear*

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#31 dyckster
September 09 2009, 12:54PM
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ronaldo wrote:

I heard Jared didn’t lose the weight because of Subway but because he has AIDS. It was on either 60 Minutes or Southpark- either way reputable sources.

Sucks to be him, but to get aids maybe HE sucks......never mind. Either way WG's right, he's a clown.

Totally different topic, has anyone been to this site? I swear some of those hillbillys shop at the St.Albert Walmart. http://peopleofwalmart.com/

Good fun though.

Oh ya, congrats JW, now all those folks who haven't been following Oilersnation will find out what they've been missing!

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#32 Bruthah
September 09 2009, 12:56PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

It’s the nunchuckery that brings the pain.

If you love nunchucks... you need to see the movie Eagle vs. Shark. Somewhat similar to Napoleon Dynamite, with 4000% more New Zealand accents.

Oh, and Congrats JDub!

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#33 patty
September 09 2009, 12:56PM
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Wouldn't it be hilarious if the new ON still didn't have an edit button?

@ West End Mike: I think Stauffer actually paid Willis a compliment on the radio yesterday morning. He was talking about being able to back up a critical comment made about a player if you get confronted. He said the best analysis these days comes from some of the bloggers using stats, since they're not bound by article size limits etc. like the newspaper guys. He never mentioned Willis explicitly, but I can't think of a better Oilers blogger who uses stats. Bob ain't no dummy and usually chooses his words carefully, and it sure sounded like he had Willis in mind. Way to go Jon. OilersNation: Strong-arming national sports networks since September 2009.

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#34 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 12:57PM
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dyckster wrote:

Totally different topic, has anyone been to this site? I swear some of those hillbillys shop at the St.Albert Walmart. http://peopleofwalmart.com/

And there goes my afternoon. Well played dyckster.

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#35 bingofuel
September 09 2009, 12:58PM
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@ patty:

It would be even more hilarious if we put in an edit button, but didn't activate it.

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#36 bingofuel
September 09 2009, 12:59PM
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@ Bruthah:

Eagle vs. Shark might actually be the worst movie ever made... Which is weird, because the dude from Flight of the Conchords is in it.

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#37 Bruthah
September 09 2009, 01:03PM
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@ bingofuel:

Bingo, come on! The last 10 minutes of it TOTALLY make up for it. I've seen worse, I believe it was called Under Seige 2.

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#38 The Towel Boy
September 09 2009, 01:03PM
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@ bingofuel:

It would be even more hilarious if the "edit" button didn't work and merely played the sadtrombone sound...or, even better, the price is right loser tune.

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#39 bingofuel
September 09 2009, 01:04PM
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@ Bruthah: I won't lie to you, I turned it off long before the last ten minutes.

And if my senile father knew you were mocking Steven Segal, you, sir, would inexplicably drop dead. Uh, because my dad's, like, a ninja.

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#40 ronaldo
September 09 2009, 01:07PM
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@ bingofuel Flight of the Concords is awesome and should be enjoyed by all. They take their live act on tour too, which justs adds to the awesomeness. For those looking for a sample- youtube "to many dicks on the dance floor". Musical savants I say.

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#41 PunjabiOil
September 09 2009, 01:09PM
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"Also, just to correct you, we’ve been around for nearly TWO WHOLE YEARS NOW! Where does the time go?" ____________

That's true, but I'm presuming it was around last summer when most of the growth took place? [Brownlee, Gregor, Willis] all signed with no-trade-clauses built into their contracts?

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#42 bingofuel
September 09 2009, 01:10PM
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@ ronaldo & Bruthah:

We're really moving away from the point of this article, which I believe had something to do with Wanye and nunchuks... And possibly Willis being awesome.

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#43 ScubaSteve
September 09 2009, 01:14PM
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Congrats Willis, some of us may not always agree with you, but the talent behind your writing is unmistakeable, you've earned your spot at the Score.

If you ever get to the head office down there, can you push Morency out of a window? That would be solid.

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#44 ronaldo
September 09 2009, 01:15PM
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@ bingofuel Ever think you'd type that we're moving away from the POINT of one of Wayne's articles? No offence G, put down the chucks. :)

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#45 Shannon
September 09 2009, 01:15PM
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Congrats, Willis! What an exciting development for you!

As for Wanye, where would we be without you? I love the Willis stats, but there's something to be said for ridiculous pictures of children and deals on subs.

My work day is now complete.

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#46 BUCK75
September 09 2009, 01:22PM
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Congrats ON guys. As Dakin mentioned earlier this place has grown in leaps & bounds in terms of content & credibility in the past year. From an article or 2 a week to 2 or 3 articles a day from one guy. The effort that Willis puts into his articles is outrageous, considering the guy has a real job too.

While I'm not really a stats guy & don't read every single article he writes, the Score has shown some tremendous confidence in an "amateur" writer to blog about the whole league. Willis' head is going to explode one day from a stats overload!

I am getting pumped for some new ON gear. I would be grateful if there was a hoodie to add to my collection of 40 hoodies...

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#47 scorecoff hemmercules
September 09 2009, 01:27PM
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Congrats JW! I always enjoy your stuff here and over at Copper & Blue (you won't be there anymore I assume?). The new blog is bookmarked for sure. And how you managed to stay here and Hockey or Die is also quite awesome.

Wanye Gretz wrote:

dyckster wrote: Totally different topic, has anyone been to this site? I swear some of those hillbillys shop at the St.Albert Walmart. http://peopleofwalmart.com/ And there goes my afternoon. Well played dyckster.

I found that little gem this morning myself. Walmart in the US is clearly worse than here, not by much though.

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#48 Wanye Gretz
September 09 2009, 01:29PM
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bingofuel wrote:

We’re really moving away from the point of this article, which I believe had something to do with Wanye and nunchuks… And possibly Willis being awesome.

I take great offense to this statement. I haven't had a point to an article in months.

@ Shannon: @ BUCK75:

Kisses to you both ;)

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#49 ChiliChunk
September 09 2009, 01:39PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

Do you see my kick ass nunchuck collection in the background? Don’t mess with me my man. Not now, not ever.

Perhaps but I also see that poster on your wall. What exactly is that? Alvin and the Chipmunks? Cartoon Bob and Doug? MAD magazine?

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#50 442Junkie
September 09 2009, 01:42PM
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Wow! Willis has seven articles up in two days. I think he may be a hockey writing super robot sent from the future to destroy MSM...

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