Seeing it through

Wanye
April 09 2009 01:20PM

Ah the Oilers. Only one team in the known universe could inspire such a diverse cornucopia of emoticons amongst its devout following. Take our boy Max for example. He sent us the video above a few days ago when we still had positivity coursing through our veins. What inspires a perfectly normal person to imitate a crazed Britney Spears fan through a tribute video? The damned Oilers that’s what. This video is easily the most hilarious thing we have seen all year about the damned team. If you haven’t seen the original look up "leave Britney alone on YouTube." If you don’t know who Britney is, you must be lost. The PBS website can be found here.

Anywhoo, this is our second offseason with our beloved OilersNation in existence. Last season we expected traffic to fall right off once the Shitanusly mediocre-turned-house-on-fire Oilers came up charmingly short in their post season run. Instead traffic kept growing so we kept writing. Brownlee did too and lo and behold if we didn’t grow by a factor of 5 over the offseason. It was the damndest thing.

What did we talk about all summer? Pretty much what we do during the season. We bitched and moaned and made fun of stuff that was 3.5% hockey related. You know, what we have all come to love about this site. We started though by ragging on all the other teams throughout the playoffs and discussing how the Oilers would totally have been able to win this or that particular game. It was some of our favorite times in the first year of operation. We also made predictions and heartily congratulated ourselves when they turned out correct which was basically all the time.

Yep, when you rely on the local hockey squadron for entertainment and they systematically fail you at every turn you have to make like pioneers and make your own fun. Think that the first settlers had YouTube? Hardly. They had to make do with a mere 50 cable channels in the late 1890s, including a non HD version of the History channel that was simply named "Now."

Here at OilersNation Central Command we had detailed plans for this site when the Oilers made the playoffs. We are going to put these on the shelf and not tell all of our secrets in the hope that next year we can roll out all this awesome stuff we have had a very small hand in building.

Now we have to show you a couple things though because we have had a good many people helping us out the past few weeks and their creations need to see the light of day.

Make your own fun #1

Check off item #89 in the Wanye Bucket List™.

  • #88 Nail an Olsen Twin
  • #89 Build a hockey draft with awesome prizes
  • #90 Nail the other Olsen Twin

While the rest of you were sitting around contracting STDs and playing “guitar heroes” and having the time of your lives at one of our dozens of local watering holes, we have been hard at work in an underground laboratory with a team of OilersNation Scienticians™ building nationdrafts.com. No sunlight, no booze, no girls and breaks only every 4 hours to play a quick game of Dungeons and Dragons. We had originally thought the Oilers would be on this list of playoff bound players and that we could add in mad prizes for Oilers playoff scoring. Hudsons thought this was a fantastic idea too and we were both ultra disappointed when the Oilers had to be removed from the different check boxes.

Hudsons: "So the Oilers aren't going to make it." Wanye: "Yeah, yeah. *hangs head*" Hudsons: "We're still down to give away $2,000 in gift certificates if you still want the draft, Wanye." Wanye: "Really? *imagines a table of girls with $2,000 worth of gift certificates and undying love for something called a Wanye."

So the team assembled and did it anyways launching nationdrafts.com yesterday morning. You can register in any Hudsons location for the remainder of the week or if you are too lazy, live on a moon base or just like the interwebs better you can sign up on the website. Do you like winning gift certificates to Hudsons? Do you want to enter a draft where your chances of winning are better than the 1/205,504,345 that Yahoo and SportingNews currently offers? Well than sweet tap dancing baby Suri Cruise do we have the draft for you.

Do us a favor and bounce over here and sign up for this draft. Also, if you see large scale programming errors shoot your ol' pal Wanye an email and he will get it fixed. And if you win any of the prizes you can take us for a beer. Then we will get half smashed, leer at the waitresses and tell you our favorite drunk story about the time we saw Rachel McAdams in a bar and drunkenly mistook her for a girl we went to high school with. How good of a story is that? Does your 30+ years of hob-nobbing with celebrities include a story like that Robin Brownlee?

Make your own fun #2

Speaking of launching websites yesterday the internet creation factory also spat out this little beauty. Now before we hear a bunch of BS about how the OilersNation was a plan to secretly convince everyone to pledge oaths of alliance to other teams just remember 3 things:

1. We only like one NHL team: the Edmonton Oilers. If we are playing Xbox against someone and they won't let us be the Oilers we don't play. It's that serious. So before you accuse us of being secret Canucks or Flames fans you had better check yourselves. Because part of making your own fun could include kidnapping lippy haters who accuse us of being secret Canucks fans. So speak carefully and tell all your hippie friends who are Canucks Fans to stop asking you where they can score some "hemp rope" and kindly check out our new site.

2. Our brother lives in Vancouver and he is somehow or other a giant Canucks fan. Every time he calls us he says "when are you going to make a Canucks site??" Sometimes our Grandma will call us and say "you know your brother would love a Canucks site. Can't you and your internet friends make one for him?" Do you know how annoying this has been for the past year and a half? We don't disagree with Grandma on anything. End of story.

3. Well we couldn't think of a third thing. But trust us we have no love for the Canucks or their weird hippie fans.

Now if you will excuse us we are going to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan to drink Pilsner until the sun rises and watch the last two games of the year with Saskatchewan Oilers fans. We are one of many jilted Oilers fans who are going to have to hold on through these last two games which couldn't mean more to the Flames and couldn't mean any less to the Oilers. Twitter us if anything awesome happens.

We make our own fun. Thanks for making it so hard Oilers.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Harlie
April 09 2009, 11:28AM
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HE'S A HUMAN!!

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#2 Rusty Shackleford
April 09 2009, 11:44AM
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Godspeed Wanye!!

I used to always hate when my buddy was Vancouver and I was the mighty Oil playing NHL. Near-fist fights on a game-by-game basis. For some reason I feel like busting out the NHL 93. Joe Murphy #1 Star!

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#3 Archaeologuy
April 09 2009, 11:45AM
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I dont know Wanye, when you start to franchise out things go bad. Next thing you know some Mega-corp. will be using your face on buckets of chicken and the only time we'll here about you will be when you are randomly quoted by some nostalgic writer discussing the history of the Oilersnation.

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#4 Librarian Mike
April 09 2009, 12:54PM
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@ Rusty Shackleford:

For me it was NHL 98, where Buchberger won the Conn Smythe with 32 goals in the playoffs.

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#5 shakey
April 09 2009, 12:55PM
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@ Archaeologuy: I don't know Arch, I'm sure we'd here about Wanye when he gets busted for throwing a phone at a bartender in some ritzy 5 star hotel after he laughs at him for ordering a Bud Lite or when he shaves his head and chases Gregor or Brownlee with and umbrella in a drunken rage (like that hasn't already happened).

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#6 Librarian Mike
April 09 2009, 12:56PM
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@ shakey:

And for God's sake Wanye, make sure you keep your legs closed when you're getting out of a car!

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#7 shakey
April 09 2009, 12:59PM
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@ Librarian Mike: Maybe that's the picture they could put on Wanye's bucket of chicken.

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#8 Colin-FMNF
April 09 2009, 01:03PM
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What's wrong with dungeons & dragons? :(

Cool playoff pool BTW. My sucking crew of suckers will see you there.

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#9 Rusty Shackleford
April 09 2009, 01:04PM
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@ Librarian Mike: I just loved NHL 93 because Sega was amazing, the crowd cheering/booing was cutting edge, when a vicious hit was unleashed, the UhhHhGGGhHH sound was stunning. Also, you could be down 12-4 and still come back to win 15-13 (that one sweet deke, or just crash the net and it goes in).

Also, Scott Mellanby? Damn straights the Oilers in NHL 93 were a powerhouse.

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#10 Archaeologuy
April 09 2009, 01:04PM
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@ shakey: That would be hilarious. Open legs with the Oilersnation logo hiding his drumstick. Can someone please come up with a catch phrase for Wanye Chicken Inc, besides FMNF.

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#11 shakey
April 09 2009, 01:08PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

Can someone please come up with a catch phrase for Wanye Chicken Inc,

Dirty Bird for the Common Man.

Fat, Greasy, Full of Bones...Just like Amber likes 'em.

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#12 Archaeologuy
April 09 2009, 01:37PM
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@ shakey: LOL

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#13 I'm a Scientist!
April 09 2009, 01:56PM
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Wow...this is awkward... Pretty sure i came up with the idea for that video a few nation posts back and yet i have NOT seen my quarter in the mail.

hmmmpfffffff.

*runs off to the corner and pouts*

You're welcome Max... i hope you get famous and get with Britney!

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#14 Archaeologuy
April 09 2009, 02:02PM
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@ I'm a Scientist!: I recall your post, it was even waiting moderation if memory serves me correct.

This is an obvious case of plagiarism.

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#15 BUCK75 - FMNF
April 09 2009, 02:11PM
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Screw Dungeons & Dragons - I'm more of a "second life" person. My Avatar in SL at least has a team in the play-offs...

*cries while interacting with imaginary people*

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#16 The Towel Boy
April 09 2009, 02:13PM
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All these nationsizez! Pools! Drafts! Chicken! Youtube! NHL98! Hippies!

Who saw this coming!?!

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#17 bingofuel
April 09 2009, 02:29PM
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@ The Towel Boy: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I've been waiting to read that ALL DAY.

*Does a weird dance, resembling a dancing towel, except not.*

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#18 I'm a Scientist!
April 09 2009, 02:43PM
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@ Archaeologuy: Thank you... you can be my expert witness in my case against Max...but only after he tags Brit and doesn't share pictures. If he shares the pictures i will drop the case.

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#19 Archaeologuy
April 09 2009, 02:50PM
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@ I'm a Scientist!: I'd gladly be an expert witness for anything anyone wants me to be an expert for. That goes right on the old Resume.

Last week I appeared in court as an expert witness in the dispute between the Hamburglar and and the Fry Guys.

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#20 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
April 09 2009, 02:53PM
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WTF THE CANUCKSARMY????

YOUR TRAITOROUS SWINE!!!!

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#21 Jack "FMNF" Bauer
April 09 2009, 02:58PM
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Your = You btw

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#22 I'm a Scientist!
April 09 2009, 03:00PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

Last week I appeared in court as an expert witness in the dispute between the Hamburglar and and the Fry Guys.

You have to fund the research somehow right??? I hope you threw the book at that Hamburglar...that guy thinks he is such hot sh*t...i mean a real piece of meat. Sure he has great buns, but that shouldn't give him the opportunity to relish in the defeat of the Fry Guys... besides, he is kinda cheesey.

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#23 Hocknee Fann
April 09 2009, 03:00PM
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Is that Jason Gregor? Perhaps he just discovered that his socks didn't match for a recent fashion shoot to be posted on his 'sports website'- justagame.ca!

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#24 bingofuel
April 09 2009, 03:12PM
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@ Jack "FMNF" Bauer:

Your rage is far more effective when you, you know, spell correctly. We figured we could give those hippies a forum to complain on so we can hack and slash 'em. Join tha parté!

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#25 Archaeologuy
April 09 2009, 03:26PM
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@ I'm a Scientist!: You know it buddy. I tried telling George Lucas and Harrison Ford that they owe it to Archaeology to fund my ultra cool research, but it turns out they dont accept calls from just anyone.

I actually appeared as a witness for the Hamburglar. I testified that the sesame seeds found on his person were not the result of taking foodstuff from the Fry Guys, but were actually planted there by the Wendy's girl, who was trying to create internal strife within the Ronald McDonald house. Reasonable Doubt, that's what I provide...for a price.

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#26 I'm a Scientist!
April 09 2009, 03:34PM
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@ Archaeologuy: Oh. Geesh, thought I would have read about that fascinating case in the paper.

I will put in a good word to George and Harry this weekend for you. We are having an intergalactic easter egg hunt at George's estate in the hills. I will let you know how it goes...

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#27 BUCK75 - FMNF
April 09 2009, 03:46PM
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@ I'm a Scientist!: @ Archaeologuy:

Another case screwed up by Officer Big Mac. Hopefully Mayor McCheese realizes how many cases his chief of police is costing him. Such a shame, his record doesn't look very good with the types of Captain Crook & Hamburgler without any consequence.

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#28 Amber McCormick
April 09 2009, 04:17PM
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shakey wrote:

Dirty Bird for the Common Man. Fat, Greasy, Full of Bones…Just like Amber likes ‘em.

Only after a night of drinking.

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#29 Amber McCormick
April 09 2009, 04:25PM
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@ Wanye: I heart Pilsner

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#30 Ender the Dragon
April 09 2009, 04:50PM
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Jack "FMNF" Bauer wrote:

Your = You btw

bingofuel wrote:

Your rage is far more effective when you, you know, spell correctly.

Does Canucks Army have an edit button? I hear all new websites have one of those . . .

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#31 bingofuel
April 09 2009, 04:58PM
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@ Ender the Dragon

I've been pwned.

We've actually looked into it, and the internet's out of edit buttons right now. They're getting a new stock in the summertime, though. :P

HAPPY JESUS EGGS EVERYONE!

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#32 Milli
April 09 2009, 05:09PM
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I know these next 2 games may seem meaningless to some (hopefully not the team that has let me down time and again this season) but not for me, OH NO, not at all. Way back in the summer, the summer of dreams and optimism, i made a bet. A bet about a season series with a certain team, a certain team that we have 2 games left against. Series tied 2 games each. This my nation friends, is MY PLAYOFFS. Defeat, unthinkable, humiliating....I will have to remove my beloved OILERS FLAG and replace it for the playoffs with the unthinkable....so come on boys, please , please win!!!!!

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#33 Phil
April 09 2009, 06:00PM
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That video is disturbing to say the least.

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#34 Smokin' Ray - NNC
April 09 2009, 08:34PM
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Ok Ladies! The Jambalaya Jams are now registered. Prepare for Nation Domintaion.

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#35 David S
April 09 2009, 08:40PM
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Phil wrote:

That video is disturbing to say the least.

Probably not as disturbing as how well Cole's return to the 'Canes worked out. Poor Wanye.

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#36 roughneck
April 10 2009, 12:45AM
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Wanye+pilsner+moosejaw sask= lady of questionable quality (probably wearing husky sweats and a riders jersey).

Is there a line on it yet?

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#37 Archaeologuy
April 10 2009, 12:55AM
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roughneck wrote:

Is there a line on it yet?

I dont know if I want to get that specific, but I am willing to put money down on Wanye needing Penicilin when he gets back.

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#38 Copper and Blue
April 10 2009, 02:42PM
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Hocknee Fann wrote:

Is that Jason Gregor? Perhaps he just discovered that his socks didn’t match for a recent fashion shoot to be posted on his ’sports website’- justagame.ca!

Gregor doesn't have hair. It is a sports website, with a clothing line. You guys rip on him, yet he is the only radio guy with a clothing line. And it seems Identity Clothing is doing fine.

I'm curious why so many of you seem jealous of that guy. Gregor your show cracks me up...The show you guys did on Monday with Ryan Rashog (no idea how to spell his name) was pure gold. Keep up the good work.

Like they say...Don't hate the player...hate the game...

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