Predicting the East (updated)

Wanye
April 15 2009 11:00AM

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Sheldon Souray may want a trade??? Who gives two squirts about the Eastern Conference Round 1 matchups when the sexiest man on Earth may want out of good ol’ our town? We just about had an eyeball pop out of our skull yesterday afternoon when that article got emailed into OilersNation Central Command ™. Brownlee had already sent in his piece about the Oilers tuning out ol' MacT. Then about 15 minutes later he sent a one paragraph addendum to the post which has now made the internet do that stand-in-place-dancing-on-the-tip-toes-and-waving-your-hands-in-a-blind-panic type of thing. It ain't a texty from Kay-Z but we will take an 11th hour email from Brownlee any day. He has mad connections and his stories do too. TSN, SportsNet, hfboards, edmontonoilers.com, some sites in the states we had never heard of. Everyone swung by the OilersNation to read this terrible, terrible news. Are we happy? No. That’s how dire the situation is.

Personally we doubt Souray will leave town. But we do think if there is ever a signal that a Super Star can send to the upper management that a change is necessary this is it. Everyone is super pissed off and change should come this week which will quieten things down in the mean time. But we do think that the Souray-for-Captain talk should tone down afterwards though. Say what you want about Ethan Moreau he was there facing the media whereas Captain-in-waiting Souray ducked out and didn’t answer any questions from anyone about anything. Doesn’t sound like he is quite ready to wear the "C" to us. Still if there is ever a sign that a regime change is necessary this is it. We think morale is at an all time low within the dressing room. Everyone is unhappy from the sounds of things. Free agents aren’t signing (insert one of a hundred names here), players aren’t re-upping (Cole) Stars are unhappy (Hemsky, Souray) players are underperforming (Penner, Horcoff.)

Updated

So with MacT out (praise to everything and everyone) it's time to go shopping for a new Coach. With everything down in the dumps it sounds to us like whoever comes in here and does a decent job of coaching is going to be hailed as a genius.

  • “Of course Coach is a genius. Look at Penner!”
  • “Thank gods Coach is here. Look how elevated the game of Souray and Hemsky. See how happy they are?”
  • “Look at Coach. So smart. He personally flew down and convinced (insert next year’s Erik Cole here) and look how good he is doing.”
  • "We love Coach. See how drunk we are at this here playoff game?"

Yep, we are ready for a new genius up here. And we know who it should be:

Brent Sutter.

Talk about a new dynamic for the Battle of Alberta. Having a Sutter involved in each side of the Battle of Alberta would be wicked. Sutter v Sutter. That would be a new remix of our favorite song that would be awesome. Like if Souljaboy remixed Savin Me by Nickelback. Yep, Brent Sutter comes here, this team makes the playoffs next year. You should write that down somewhere. File it under "things not worth writing down because they are unlikely to occur."

Anyways, like we said:

Playoff predictions

wtf-ak47b

Blah blah blah playoffs so important. Blah blah Eastern Conference sends delegate to get curb stomped in the Cup Finals. No way the East wins the Cup this year. Believe that. We will take bets on the matter too if you are so inclined.

Bruins (1) v Canadiens (8)

What the hell happened in the East this year? Weren’t the Bruins brutal? And we thought the Habs were lighting the league on fire. Weren’t they in first place at some point this year? Oh yeah, then half the team became patch wearing Hells Angels and things started to fall into the crapper.  (Insert smug grin here as a problem Edmonton doesn't have is finally revealed.) We read somewhere that Bruins Stud Tim Thomas used to be Oilers property at one point in the late 90s and returned half his signing bonus in order to be released from the team. Now he is the man.

Perfect.

Bruins in 5.

Capitals (2) v Rangers (7)

Caps and Rangers. Ovechkin vs Blair Betts? What kind of matchup is that? A mismatch, that’s what kind. And we don’t even care who else is in the lineup for either team.  We are so confident that the Caps will smash the Rangers we are willing to declare this series to be our Wanye Lock of the East™. And you just don't throw around meaningless guarantees like that unless you have done some homework on the matter.

Capitals in 6.

Devils (3) v Hurricanes (6)

Well well well. You won’t believe this Nation but apparently Erik Cole can help a team make the playoffs. He goes back to Carolina, they catch fire, he catches fire and they make it to the big show.

Screw you Erik Cole.

Devils in 7.

Penguins (4) v Flyers (5)

Bah. We can’t even be bothered to look at the lineups here. The detective agency of Crosby, Malkin and Company should have enough good men on the job to solve the mystery of Martin Biron and get into round two. Does Murray Craven still play for the Flyers? How about Tommy Soderstrom?

No?

Who cares.

Penguins in 7 .

Final shameless plug for the Draft

Did you enter the draft yet? Seriously you should. You can win Hudson's GCs and impress the socks off a member of the fairer sex as you pick up the tab without so much as a glance at the total. And we think today is the last day. Or tomorrow. Or something.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Colin
April 15 2009, 12:47PM
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Make it devils in 6 and I agree with your picks(if not your "logic".

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#2 I'm a Scientist!
April 15 2009, 12:51PM
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Bruins in 5, Caps in 4, Devils in 6 and Pens in 7.

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#3 Jonathan Willis
April 15 2009, 12:57PM
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Bruins in 5 Capitals in 4 Devils in 7 Penguins in 6

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#4 Milli
April 15 2009, 01:01PM
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Caps in 6 Bruins in 5 Pitts in 7 Carolina in 6 (with Wayne's boy leading the charge)

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#5 Archaeologuy
April 15 2009, 01:02PM
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Towel Boy's pic lives on in infamy. Can you guys make that pic an OilersNation T-shirt?

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#6 Chaz
April 15 2009, 01:05PM
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Bruins in 6 Caps in 5 Carolina in 7 Pitt in 7

Maybe Souray ducked the exit-interviews because he didn't want to have to comment on Mac T's future? He's obviously too honorable to lie and say he likes Mac T as a coach, so he took the high road and slithered out of town without a word. Dead sexy move if you ask me.

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#7 Chaz
April 15 2009, 01:06PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

Towel Boy’s pic lives on in infamy. Can you guys make that pic an OilersNation T-shirt?

I would buy that shirt.

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#8 Dan from Wainwright
April 15 2009, 01:07PM
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Bruins in 6 Capitals in 7 Canes in 6 Pens in 6

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#9 The Towel Boy
April 15 2009, 01:16PM
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LOL...that stupid picture...

Sooo...my predictions:

Bruins in 6 Caps in 5 Devils in 6 Pens in 7

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#10 Greg MC
April 15 2009, 01:16PM
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Bruins in 7 Caps in 6 Canes in 7 Pens in 7

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#11 sittingatmydesk
April 15 2009, 01:21PM
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Bruins in 5 Capitals in 6 Devils in 6 philly in 6

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#12 The Doc
April 15 2009, 01:23PM
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Bruins in 6 Caps in 7 Hurricanes in 6 Flyers in 7

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#13 greenlightning86
April 15 2009, 01:28PM
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Bruins 5 Caps 6 Devils 7 Penguins 6

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#14 Ender the Dragon
April 15 2009, 01:31PM
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Arrrrgh . . . I hate to have to agree with Wanye twice in two days, but he's got the winners right here too. I'm still picking different game number combinations just to avoid being accused of piggybacking someone else's picks. More chance for upsets in the East than the West, but . . .

Beantown VS Habs: Boston is this year's Beast from the East. I don't care who they face in the first round; unless their whole starting line-up tries to learn to run a snowblower in the next couple weeks, they're moving through. Bears in 5.

Ovechkin VS Avery: Are we still talking about this? Caps in 5, and I'm giving Broadway the benefit of the doubt here.

The Series With Too Much Black, Red, and White: Even with Erik Cole sounding the Storm Warning, I don't see Hell freezing over this year. One last ride for Martin Brodeur starts with NJ in 6.

the Flyers VS the Non-Flyers: If there's going to be an upset, this series has the most potential. Pretty evenly matched, a lot will rest on the shoulders of a few in Pitt. One injury could decide the series, but on the surface it looks like the small, swimming birds (Who the heck picked a penguin as an imposing team mascot? Had the never seen the game of hockey before deciding on that? Did they think they were naming a figure-skating team? I digress . . .) will pull this out in 6.

Book it.

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#15 risto
April 15 2009, 01:48PM
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Bruins in 6

Washington in 3

Devils in 4

Philly in 7

Chaz wrote:

Archaeologuy wrote: Towel Boy’s pic lives on in infamy. Can you guys make that pic an OilersNation T-shirt? I would buy that shirt.

Becuase you are on that shirt

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#16 SquidRx
April 15 2009, 02:08PM
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Wow! I had to enter my picks into a draft yesterday and oddly enough I had the exact same prognostications as you Mr. Gretz. Bruins in 5 Caps in 6 Jersey in 7 Pens in 7

*skips around office singing "I picked the same as Wanye! I picked the same as Wanye"*

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#17 Wanye Gretz
April 15 2009, 02:15PM
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Chaz wrote:

I would buy that shirt.

Noted. STRONGLY Noted.

Ender the Dragon wrote:

I hate to have to agree with Wanye twice in two days, but he’s got the winners right here too

haha you agree with me.

What is anyone doing on this article? Don't you know FMNF'd??

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#18 Chaz
April 15 2009, 02:33PM
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@ risto: I hope you're referring to the kid with the AK-47. If it's anyone else, I'm offended...

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#19 Rusty Shackleford
April 15 2009, 02:35PM
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Boston in 6 Washington in 5 Carolina in 7 Pittsburgh in 6

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#20 Bruthah - NNC
April 15 2009, 02:47PM
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Boston in 5 Washington in 6 Devils in 6,6,6 (tee hee) Philly in 6

Scott Hartnell with a few Gordie Howe Hat-tricks to lead the way. REPRESENTIN' THE 'MINSTER.

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#21 Joey Moss
April 15 2009, 04:02PM
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Wanye, are you saying that qualification to be captain is based on media availability and who talks to the press more? n----- please. this is what PR firms and execs are for. i don't care who the captain of this team is as long as he sets an example of respect, honesty, hard work and intelligence. Moreau has at one point or another (particularly today with the rolling webcam fiasco) proven to be just the opposite of those four traits. i'm not saying souray is some kind of exemplar human, but moreau is a dud of a captain.

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#22 Joey Moss
April 15 2009, 04:12PM
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oh and here are my predictions:

Boston in 5

Washington in 7

Jersey in 6

Philadelphia in 6

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#23 Khush
April 15 2009, 04:37PM
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Bruins - 6

Caps - 5

Devils - 6

Philly - 7

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#24 Smokin' Ray - NNC
April 15 2009, 07:56PM
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Boston in six Washington in six Carolina in six Pittsburgh in seven

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#25 Harlie
April 17 2009, 09:32PM
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f*ck yeah!!!!! Cane's take game 2! Get your liver ready Wanye. It just may be go tim in a coupla weeks/months!

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#26 Eastern Conference Thinkisms - OilersNation.com
April 30 2009, 11:04PM
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[...] for 4 in the West and 3 for 4 in the East. And to think we were once voted “Least likely to predict the majority of the First Round of the [...]

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