GDB/GDFD 59: La bataille d'Alberta

Wanye
February 21 2009 12:47PM

battlerages

Yeah, so you might say this is a biggie for us.

Wanye Gretz: Ever since our crew personally oversaw the invention of the written word, electricity, hockey, the internet and finally both nations we have had one goal on the horizon. One goal that was so much in the forefront of everyone's mind that bingofuel actually broke up with his girlfriend this week to make sure nothing distracted him.

For the first time in the 6 billion-year history of the Earth, Oilers fans and Flames fans can come somewhere and chirp at one another during a Battle of Alberta game.

Now just like when playing nude Jenga there are rules here too. No male on male accidental contact for starters. No personal attacks, profanity laced tirades or other offside nonsensery if you please. Is this because we are boring? No. It's because if we don't have some rules of engagement we will probably start a war that will eventually end in Red Deer with Kent W and Willis brawling with Klingon Bat-leths over who has the ability to really lay claim to the last initial "W." But funny/witty commentary? Oh yeah. Pointing out the obvious like the fact that Calgary turned it's back on all forms of cerebral logic and signed Todd Bertuzzi? Good to go.

And so now I hand it to our colleagues at FlamesNation and see a Wanye Life Dream™ fulfilled. Next to achieve? Three-way with Natalie Portman and Carrie Underwood.

I have waited for this day for over two years!!!!!! -WG

TLP: Man, I love Battle of Alberta games. The rivalry, the drama, the easiest two points Calgary will earn all season. It's just magical.

Now, I don’t know how many Oiler fans mosey over to FlamesNation to check out what Kent and I have to say (it’s all really great, believe me!), but since this is being posted on both sides of “The Nation,” I will make certain concessions to our neighbors to the north, namely first explaining myself in a normal way, then dumbing it way, way down for all you clods that can’t get a job in a real city that people want to live in.

Now, let’s be honest with ourselves and say that the Oilers have been going through a bit of a rough patch the past few years in terms of players not wanting to come to your city or stay there, a general manager that was widely regarded as “borderline retarded,” and a coach who lost his team three months ago and still, somehow, has a job. (Trans.: Edmonton bad! Players hate! Lowe dumdum! Coach mean!)

Meanwhile, Calgary (you might know it by its other name: Not-Loserville) has had its cup run over with success and happiness. Players want to come here, Darryl Sutter makes good decisions, and Mike Keenan.. well, at least he’s not Jim Playfair. (Trans.: Everyone like! Big wins! Fun times! Happy all day no sad!)

We at FlamesNation understand that you’re probably a fan of the Oilers because of, say, the 1980s. Can’t blame you. We know it’s hard not to root for a winner. But guys, the 1980s were like 30 years ago almost! It’s time to start living in the here and now. And if you want, we’ll even take you in down here if you’re among Edmonton’s best and brightest. We’ve been looking for someone to clean up all the stables down at the Stampede Grounds anyway. (Trans.: Cup Days gone! Flames fan good! Sweep poop yes?)

Seriously though, the Flames are going to annihilate you.

All my love, TLP

Kent W: At the conclusion of George Orwell's 1984, Protagonist Winston Smith comes to the realization that he loves his nemesis - the State. I think that's about where I'm at with the Oilers these days, although I come by affection more honestly: there was no room 101 or psychological torture required - I just honestly enjoy watching the Oilers play.

I love watching Dustin Penner lumber around. It always brings a smile to my face to think of the draft picks it required to grab him, or his absurd $4.25M/year albatross of a contract.

I giggle when I see the 'C' on Ethan Moreau's chest. It gives me pleasure to check the Oilers ever-full injury list. I laugh whenever I remember that Jeff Drouin-Deslasarasrfasdfsadfasdrsdfs is the only goalie the club has signed through next year.

The negative goal differential, the constantly being outshot, the worse than average special teams, Kevin Lowe's comb-over; I love it all. MacTavish's post game press-conferences are frequently delightful. Zach Stortini's cartoonish countenance and laughable "fighting" style - it's all good. Oh, and thanks for Curtis Glencross by the way...

I think what I love most, however, is the continued mediocrity. Edmonton doesn't suck like, say, the Islanders or the Thrashers. There's always the faint possibility of making the play-offs on the horizon for the Oilers. That chance, however slim, like the distant scent of baking bread to the staring, drives the organization stumbling forward each off-season and trade deadline, salivating and half crazed, desperate for the taste of success.

As such, they're never a big threat to get any better. To take the big leap. Like a hopeless junkie, the Oilers never seem to reach their "bottom" so there's never any real chance of a recovery. Blow it up and start anew? Move veterans for draft picks? It's hard to do when 8th in the conference is spitting distance away, isn't it?

It won't bother me if the Flames lose this evening. Calgary is 12 points up on Edmonton and have little to gain by a victory. Edmonton, on the other hand, can scratch closer to the final play-off spot and move another step nearer to becoming a buyer at the trade deadline. And I would love that too.

It's win-win for me tonight gents. Im going to crack a beer and cheer for every single goal that's scored.

Sincerely, Kent Wilson

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 TDSM31
February 21 2009, 06:45PM
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Lanny wrote:

Lanny

Don't you have to be at least 12 years old to post on the Nation? Sorry Lanny, time for bed little guy.

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#102 Brent G.
February 21 2009, 06:47PM
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@ Lanny: Im a Flames fan fool. A HUGE Flames fan at that. I spend my days reading about them, learning the facts, and never miss a game ... Your just some dumb troll.

I called you out because you gotta leave the cancer comments out of it. Thats pure unclass and make me ashamed to be compared with you, even is I still consider myself one of the biggest Flames supporters I know...

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#103 Lanny
February 21 2009, 06:48PM
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TDSM31 wrote:

Lanny wrote: Lanny Don’t you have to be at least 12 years old to post on the Nation? Sorry Lanny, time for bed little guy.

WOW what a burn!!!!!(Yah my mom is calling me to bed)Like the Flames will burn the Oilers

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#104 Brent G.
February 21 2009, 06:49PM
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@ Kent:

NICE!!! That was a damn good rebutal. My favorite part is, "Unfortunately, after beating the Oil time and time again over the last few years (as well as consistently finishing above them in the standings) winning a single battle of Alberta game has been drained of meaning. It would kind of be like celebrating beating the neighborhood retard at connect 4 or kicking a 3 legged mongrel dog. Really, it’s not much to be proud of."

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#105 Chris
February 21 2009, 06:51PM
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It's been fun gentlemen (and Lanny). Fortunately, it is my destiny to leave behind all this love and actually ATTEND the game!

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#106 Smokin' Ray
February 21 2009, 06:57PM
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One Hour!!!

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#107 TDSM31
February 21 2009, 06:58PM
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Lanny wrote:

TDSM31 wrote: Lanny wrote: Lanny Don’t you have to be at least 12 years old to post on the Nation? Sorry Lanny, time for bed little guy. WOW what a burn!!!!!(Yah my mom is calling me to bed)Like the Flames will burn the Oilers

Lanny, wasn't a 'burn'. Just wishing you a good nights sleep. Don't let the bed bugs bite, little fella.

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#108 Brent G.
February 21 2009, 07:07PM
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So heres one for you Oiler Fans. Did you know Jason Blake of all people has quite a significant lead on goals over any of your players? By quite a margin at that. At this point in the season Blake, playing on a team of nobodies, may have more goals than any member of the Oilers even get.

Hmm... to compare a little further. Did you know Boyd, playing on the Flames 4th line, has more goals than Gagner (the future of the club).

Bertuzzi has way more points than Penner and is making less than half the salary?

Phaneuf, on a huge let down year, actually has 4 less points than your top defenseman (who has peaked and is sinking for the years to come) and third highest scorer.

Lowe is such a fool because he didnt wanna pay Glencross 1 Million. If he were on the Oilers, with the same points, he'd be 8th in scoring... So yes we get excited over Glencross because it shows Sutters brilliance and Lowe being the fool everyone else in the league knows he is.

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#109 Milli
February 21 2009, 07:07PM
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@ Lanny: Wow, lanny, you got class....pure class!!!!

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#110 Brent G.
February 21 2009, 07:08PM
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Oh I forgot, your starting goalie that many of you worship was a back up to Kidd when he played in Calgary. Kidd is possibly the worst goalie to play in the last 50 years.

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#111 Milli
February 21 2009, 07:10PM
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@ Brent G.: Brent, will any of this really matter when you lose in round #1 AGAIN?

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#112 Jason Gregor
February 21 2009, 07:16PM
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TLP wrote:

Oh by the way, one quick thing before I go: You gotta chill out, Gregor.

What...no sense of humour...That was pure smack...Give and take in witty, non-personal assault..that is what it is all about...sorry man...Lanny wrote:

probably because you look like you have cancer

Once again your lack of vocabulary makes debating with you boring. If you can actually come up with something worthy of a retort I'd be surprised. To be as ignorant to state someone looks like they have cancer, is in fact making fun of cancer you meathead. I visit the Stollery and the Cross Cancer lots and seeing those people shave their heads due to radiation is not even remotely funny. I doubt you'd have the stones to say that to my face or anyone else who has a shaved head. You're an ignorant moron. Grow up.

Take a page from Kent in how to talk smack. Insightful, funny and witty, although Kent you might want to bring something more than saying it gets old beating the Oilers. Ask any Oiler fan if beating the Flames in the playoffs every year ever got old.

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#113 Brent G.
February 21 2009, 07:17PM
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They wont lose first round. I am more confident of that than anything. If the playoffs started today they would face Columbus. Its not the Minnesota of favourable match ups but really really close. Actually the only team I would prefer them not facing in the first round is Anaheim. Not because of fear of losing to them, but more or less because they hit hard and can leave a team battered in the second round.

I mean you Oiler fans love to talk about the "likely" first round exit but you cant really tell me any of you actually are that confident it'll happen; definitely not enough to put money on it as I have for them making it to the second already.

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#114 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 07:22PM
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I'll be satisfied if the game tonight has 1/4 of the awesomeness of this back and forth we've got going on here in the halls of the nation. I love it!

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#115 Brent G.
February 21 2009, 07:25PM
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Vancouver just tied up the game and the motivation for Calgary just grew a little. They cant let Vancouver get within 6. Not with a huge road trip in the future...

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#116 jeanshorts
February 21 2009, 07:27PM
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Brent G. wrote:

Vancouver just tied up the game and the motivation for Calgary just grew a little. They cant let Vancouver get within 6. Not with a huge road trip in the future…

God I hate the Canucks SO much. I can barely live with the fact that I'm actively cheering for the Leafs right now, but that's how deep my hatred runs.

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#117 TDSM31
February 21 2009, 07:31PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

I’ll be satisfied if the game tonight has 1/4 of the awesomeness of this back and forth we’ve got going on here in the halls of the nation. I love it!

I would like to agree but unfortunately, with the comments from the Flames fans on this board, it sounds more like we're in the halls of a junior high school.

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#118 Brent G.
February 21 2009, 07:33PM
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@ jeanshorts: I used to hate Toronto more than anybody but to be honest since being under new management and Ron Wilson working hard to turn the ship I actually enjoy them more than any other Canadian team (sans Calgary of course). They are fun to watch. Ottawa has no heart, Montreal I decidedly wanna watch fail, Vacouver has nothing but a goalie and an unclassy center (in Sundin) and Edmonton ... well... just read my previous posts. I hate Edmonton more than anyone now.

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#119 Poo Czar
February 21 2009, 07:52PM
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I've seen Semenko around a few times over the years and he still terrifies me. Lordy how I wish the NHL had NBA style 3 day contracts to see Cementhead and Tim Hunter go at 'er again. Watching beefy old men fight is amazing, though I've never seen it happen with sober participants...

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#120 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 08:09PM
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LET'S DOOOOO THIS!!!

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#121 RLH
February 21 2009, 08:10PM
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Yeah yeah yeah! Single national anthem night. Woot!

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#122 RLH
February 21 2009, 08:15PM
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Dear God, did SMac almost get a goal? Please, someone get me a beer...Salute!!!

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#123 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:19PM
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I, for one, certainly couldn't have forseen Moreau in the penalty box... That's so unlike him.

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#124 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 08:23PM
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@ Cory Dakin:

Agreed. So "out of character" for him. Maybe he's playing hurt.

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#125 RLH
February 21 2009, 08:24PM
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Come on CBC, give me a commercial with cooked beef on it.

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#126 David S
February 21 2009, 08:26PM
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The refs are lettin' alot go. Anybody who doesn't have a last name that rhymes with More-oh is getting a free pass.

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#127 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:30PM
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I can't believe there's two teams with a worse powerplay than the oilers....

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#128 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:31PM
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Attaboy Cole! Raise that trade value

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#129 David S
February 21 2009, 08:32PM
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Cole!

Yeah. That's a guy we need to get rid of.

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#130 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:32PM
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Maybe it's just me... But I would take ten Gene Principe's any day over one Marc Crawford

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#131 Dave the Linepainter
February 21 2009, 08:34PM
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Would someone please get Moreau off the ice!!!!

Brutal!

FMNF

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#132 David S
February 21 2009, 08:34PM
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So does the fact that we're playin' with the retro jerseys mean we still have to score another one before we're at evens?

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#133 David S
February 21 2009, 08:35PM
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Dave the Linepainter wrote:

Would someone please get Moreau off the ice!!!! Brutal! FMNF

I take it the "M" means Moreau?

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#134 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:39PM
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Marc Crawford just called Penner quick..... My point has been proven

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#135 RLH
February 21 2009, 08:41PM
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Wow, and then Penner is off sides. He must be wearing the big-boy skates tonight. So "quick".

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#136 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:44PM
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The old man is looking pretty good in net tonight

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#137 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:45PM
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Under a minute to go in the period.. Prime time for the oilers to give up a goal.. Prove me wrong boys.. Prove me wrong

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#138 RLH
February 21 2009, 08:46PM
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Man that Roli batting move is weird. Goalies...

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#139 David S
February 21 2009, 08:48PM
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Cory Dakin wrote:

Under a minute to go in the period.. Prime time for the oilers to give up a goal.. Prove me wrong boys.. Prove me wrong

Looks like Gilbert tried to make your wish come true.

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#140 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 08:48PM
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What the hell? Does Scott Oake always have a 30 minute long intro to all his interview questions? Brutal...Just ask the damn question.

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#141 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 08:49PM
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@ The Towel Boy: He has to have time to come up with the question.. It would seem prepartation is not his forte

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#142 David S
February 21 2009, 08:57PM
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I wonder if that little forward in the new McDonalds ad is a UFA at the end of this season.

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#143 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 09:01PM
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Proof that the best songwriters in the world come from Humboldt... Wow, this song makes me either want to quit drinking my beer, or drink a whole lot more

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#144 The Towel Boy
February 21 2009, 09:04PM
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@ Cory Dakin:

twas a beaut that song was.

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#145 Smokin' Ray
February 21 2009, 09:12PM
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I wonder if Mrs. Cogliano is enjoying the game?

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#146 Cory Dakin
February 21 2009, 09:12PM
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I don't believe he ever did tell us why humboldt was hockeytown. He kept singing that he would, but I still don't understand why

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#147 Smokin' Ray
February 21 2009, 09:13PM
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David S wrote:

I wonder if that little forward in the new McDonalds ad is a UFA at the end of this season.

I thought that was Gagner!

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#148 Hoodlum
February 21 2009, 09:15PM
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Smokin' Ray wrote:

I wonder if Mrs. Cogliano is enjoying the game?

She's not watching hockey, she's tossing my salad.... No seriousl, she's making me a caesar. I love that sh*t

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#149 Travis Dakin
February 21 2009, 09:20PM
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This game is kinda lacking some pizzaz. Yeah I said Pizzaz.

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#150 ngthagg
February 21 2009, 09:21PM
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Wow . . . Roloson is terrible behind the net. Two giveaways and a poor fumble, and I've only been watching a few minutes.

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