November 06 2008 10:19AM
Of all the games the Oilers have played so far this year, tonight’s is by far the biggest.
"But why Wanye? It's just another game isn't it?" Are you kidding? The results of this game will cement our reputation with a bunch of strangers in Pittsburgh! Oilers win, they’ll all hate us. Oilers lose, they’ll all hate us. Who can live with the uncertainty!?
This is why gambling was invented by Eduardo Las Vegas in 1879—to make sports more interesting. We took up the cause started by our boys over at jeanshortsandbaggedmilk, who have been deftly battling with this huge blog in Pittsburgh all by themselves.
We aren't going to leave our friends fighting solo. It's like in Junior High School when your friend would get challenged to a schoolyard fight. What do you do? You third-man-in and crack the kid in the skull with your Thermos! Take that Jeremy Tandrup, age ten. Don't mess with our crew. We have never been afraid to get involved in any nonsense that comes our way.
So we contacted these dudes at pensblog. They ignored our email. Then we chirped them. Then they claimed they didn't get the email. Then we went out of town and ignored them. Then made contact and the bet is cemented.
Why should you care about the game tonight? Oilers win, the pensblog will purchase the first two NationGear T-shirts off the line in Dec 2008; we’ll give them to two lucky citizens of the Nation. Oilers lose, we have to buy two of their T-shirts for giveaways to their fans. Oh and the loser has to write an article explaining the awesomeness of the winning city.
"But Wanye you don't got no money. You ain’t gonna pay for no T-shirts!" That's right Nation. Oilers lose tonight and your ol' pal Wanye is going to have to sell an eyeball. Ever see Pirate Wanye with an eye patch? It ain't pretty.
Oh and Justice League? We hear that Pens fans will be in attendance tonight.
—Wanna talk to your ol’ pal Wanye? E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.