We're sick today

Wanye
October 24 2008 12:09PM

If we were able to call in sick today we would—but unfortunately you can’t call the internet. We know what you’re thinking: “What’s wrong Wanye? Do you have ornithophobia?” No, lambs. That’s a fear of birds, not an illness. We have something similar though: a hatred of birds. Particularly Penguins and their fans, but more on that later. The main thing making us queasy today was the sickening performance of the Oil last night.

Maybe it’s the unparalleled glory of starting 4–0. We doubt it. Maybe it’s all the fun that comes with living on the road. Perhaps. Or it could be the fact they (insert reason for back to back junk games here).

Take some action after the inevitable bag skate today MacT. For starters:

Move Cole to the other side. He looks more lost than Clay Aiken at the Playboy Mansion.

Riiiight.

Let’s see how serious we are about this. Look at our draft changes made today:

G Garon: Gone. If MacT only wants to play him 50–60 games per year, we’re going to have to ride a different horse until Coach comes to his senses. Garon needs to play 70+ if the Oilers are going to play to their potential.

D Gilbert: Gone. Perhaps he’s being slowed down by his enormous paycheques that are weighing down his wallet or perhaps his long flowing hair is impeding his vision on the ice. Either way Gilbert is off to a Steve Austin start—he’s stone cold.

For those of you in the Nation who are new to the site you may be wondering if we’re a bandwagon jumper or some impartial writing type. No to both, lambs. First, we’re barely literate, let alone a writer. Secondly, we are squarely behind Les Oil, but we calls ‘em as we sees ‘em. And what we are seeing right now is causing us to ingest Rolaids like candy.

It’s disgusting.

Ornithophobia

Our good friends and future cellmates over at jeanshortsandbaggedmilk told us about someone chirping Oilers fans and the Nation over at some site called thepensblog. We checked our traffic analytics and sure enough there were a few hundred lonely souls coming over from Pittsburgh area and reading about bloggergate. Then we heard they chirped Brownlee and Gregor too, a big no-no in our books. We live in constant fear of Brownlee and Gregor; why should foreigners be any different?

So being the good citizens of the Nation that they are, jeansandmilk did what any good Oilers fan does when confronted with opposing fans. They chirped them into the ground on their kick-ass blog and emailed the article to thepensblog for good measure.

Classic.

What do thepensblog nerds do? They give them the lamest diss ever and then pull this stunt.

Close your blog to invited readers only? Chirp the Mighty OilersNation, call Edmontonians hicks and then go and hide? Make fun of Robin Brownlee and Jason Gregor and then close the shop so we can’t even read it to know what makes us so mad? Was it any good? Was it funny? Is it anything we can use ourselves? Now we’ll never know. This makes about as much sense as those new Mats Sundin poker ads on TV.

See, this is what happens when we are divided and conquered, lambs. The real enemy goes unnoticed. While we were so busy fighting amongst ourselves our real enemies were lining up against us and taking pot shots from afar.

We may have to load up the OilersNation War Wagon™, take Towel Boy, baggedmilk and a 500-pack of Pilsner and go down to Pittsburgh and kick the crap out of these people. We were going to have great fun reminding Pens fans to mind their Ps and Qs until they closed their blog to readers. Things are tough enough down there in Pittsburgh without starting fights you won’t be able to finish. After all, the team has been bankrupt twice in its stellar 30-year history and it’s been ten years since the last time the team went tits up. You never know when another rich Canadian is going to come down there and try to take your team away from you. Then what will you have to blog about? Which of your cousins will eventually marry and procreate? We don’t think so.

You also never know when three hammered Oilers fans are going to show up at your Momma’s house and put a foot in your ass. The OilersNation will circle the wagons when required and we bet even the unholy trinity of Gregor, Brownlee and your ol’ pal Wanye can agree on that.

And we don’t agree on anything. Oh the fun we would have had. And now nothing. Dammit.

Is it Friday yet? It is?

(cracks open a beer)

Good. Where’s that map to Pittsburgh?

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Ender the Dragon
October 24 2008, 12:23PM
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Wayne, thanks for making Friday more a little less meaningful and yet still a little more fun. I think most Nation readers with agree that you don't know the game half as well as Jonathon or the players a quarter as well as Robin, but in spite of that somehow you're still twice as fun to read.

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#2 baggedmilk
October 24 2008, 12:24PM
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For as clever as the girls at thepensblog pretend to be they really had nothing to say. All they could do is block their site from the nation and run and hide like Mrs. Bertuzzi on a night when the Flames lose. For shame. Cowardly.

The chariot is ready, the horses are fed. We're ready to roll.

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#3 Ender the Dragon
October 24 2008, 12:25PM
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And darn-it, please get the guys in the back to put an edit feature on here. Why can I never see the typos until after it's posted? Sheeeesh . . .

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#4 The Towel Boy
October 24 2008, 01:16PM
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Wanye: The panel van(tm) is gassed up and stocked with beer. Which way is Pittsburgh?

P.S. did this site just get hit with a denial of service attack?

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#5 Wanye Gretz
October 24 2008, 01:26PM
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There is no denial of service attacks party people. The new site is being integrated and smoke tested and could cause some brief interuptions over the next few days.

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#6 baggedmilk
October 24 2008, 01:44PM
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New site is going to kick a million asses folks. Take my word for it. My word is very very good.

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#7 BUCK75
October 24 2008, 01:50PM
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What a great new way to get readers to your blog...invite them.

Fire up the panel van...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZlDZPYzfm4

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#8 New Guy
October 24 2008, 02:18PM
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Ah who cares Wanye. This site is getting crazy busy! Who cares what Penguins fans think?

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#9 Tony Romo
October 24 2008, 02:32PM
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Agreed! I have been away for a bit and have only been able to check the Nation for a bit. There are crazy comments now!!!!!

Not like the good old days when Wanye did all those crappy cartoons...

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#10 Oilfan
October 24 2008, 02:49PM
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Looking forward to the new site. I do enjoy Wanye's ridiculous comments and the real stories.

Ender,

I have to disagree though. I think Jonathon breaks down certain stats, but as far as knowing the game, I don't think he is close to Gregor or Brownlee. Just my opinion. I love the site. And pensblog is pink...lame...

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#11 Wanye Gretz
October 24 2008, 03:06PM
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Bear in mind that Brownlee has over 875 years covering pro sports in Edmonton and Gregor invented the radio.

Lance Corporal Willis is one of the brightest dudes around and he will only get better as he ages. If that is somehow possible.

I however will not get better as I age because 1) I don't age and 2) You can't get any better than 56th degree AWESOME

Now back to that new site integration...

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#12 Brian Fellows
October 24 2008, 03:10PM
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Who do these people think they are? Good gravy! Hicks??

I'm going to write a protest song on my banjo and play it for my wife/sister.

The nerve!

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#13 1011011
October 24 2008, 03:13PM
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This baggedmilk guy is on fire during the Justice League meetings. Take my word for it or go read for yourself.

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#14 Lubo71
October 24 2008, 03:39PM
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I'm going to ask to be let in and see what things they are saying about us.

STAY TUNED

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#15 RobinB
October 24 2008, 03:41PM
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baggedmilk: I appreciate that you've taken up against the Penguini sissies in the name of ON, but before we load up the van, drink 100 Red Bull and Tequila shots, engage the foil and mop the lobby of the Omni William Penn with them, we've got an issue.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not going back on anything I said about Mr. Pleasure Motors being a funny quick witted mamma jamma, or that Robin Brownlee is really boring and is rarely right when he predicts trades in the off season."

Really? Boring I'll give you, but I am always right. Always. And brother, trust me when I tell you that I can and will kick your bum.

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#16 baggedmilk
October 24 2008, 03:43PM
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Dear Robyn, I'm still waiting for the Jason Spezza trade you promised me, but I will gladly take the ass kicking. I will wear the bruises as a badge of honor.

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#17 Monday Guy
October 24 2008, 03:49PM
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lol

694Lbs of 4th line Forwards

Sounds like the defensive line for the Eskimos

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#18 RobinB
October 24 2008, 03:56PM
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baggedmilk: If you were listening instead of slapping it off, the Spezza talk was speculation by Stauffer and I about a player the Oilers SHOULD go after, not who they were actually in pursuit of.

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#19 baggedmilk
October 24 2008, 04:00PM
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Robin, once again sir you've humbled me and reduced me to tears. I will run and cower in my basement, marveling at your greatness.

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#20 RobinB
October 24 2008, 04:09PM
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baggedmilk: Just as I like it. Now, let's move ahead. Red Bull, pal?

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#21 baggedmilk
October 24 2008, 04:17PM
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I've got a 3 pack of Yop for you. It does the body good.

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#22 Wanye Gretz
October 24 2008, 04:17PM
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I like how well everyone is getting along on a Friday

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#23 Smokin' Ray Burnt
October 24 2008, 04:25PM
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What???? It's Friday?

Wow. Good stuff.

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#24 BUCK75
October 24 2008, 04:30PM
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I’m going to ask to be let in and see what things they are saying about us. STAY TUNED

I am eagerly awaiting my pass too.

Kinda like my ass, I just can't see it.

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#25 baggedmilk
October 24 2008, 04:54PM
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I'm willing to bet they're not saying anything. If they are, I'm ready to lock and reload and give them the verbal power bomb that they deserve.

DEBONNNN GET THE TABLE!

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#26 Fiveandagame
October 24 2008, 05:57PM
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HOLY crap I leave town for a few days and our Mighty oil forget to show up to two games in a row??!!!

WTF

Gregor is right Mac Blender is back and just in time!

Penguin fans bashing the O-N? Blasphemy!

Red Bull! Tequila! and a marathon session of "Boys on the Bus" on the way to downtown penguin land to kick some colloquia!

(Colloquia is the private parts of the avian and reptile family of animals, hence saying that the penguin fans had said colloquia.....)

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#27 Travis Dakin
October 24 2008, 06:38PM
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Woah, that is way too much to be learning on a Friday night.

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#28 The Towel Boy
October 24 2008, 07:43PM
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Colloquia is balls?

So, I figured a colloquial phrase was something along the lines of informal conversation differing in grammar, vocabulary, syntax, imagery, and/or connotation.

Now you're telling me it's a phrase about bird and reptile balls?

Fiveandagame...u blew my mind just now.

See what happens when you bring science into this!

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#29 Fiveandagame
October 24 2008, 08:46PM
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See the problem is I am retarded and it is actually CLOACA not colloquia

From wikipedia----

CLOACA -In zoological anatomy, a cloaca is the posterior opening that serves as the only such opening for the intestinal and urinary tracts of certain animal species. It is also known as the anal beak.

---- Maybe I should have just said we'll kick them in the Anal beak....

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#30 The Towel Boy
October 24 2008, 09:07PM
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oh...bummer...

I even had an example of a colloquial phrase:

"Little Johnny kicked a Penguin in the junk."

:(

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#31 RobinB
October 24 2008, 09:30PM
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TB: These Penguini sissies don't have any junk for little Johnny to kick. If they did, they wouldn't be locking down access to their website after running their mouths.

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#32 Monday Guy
October 24 2008, 09:36PM
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there....

see how much smarter i am, just for checking in ?

Skool is for loozers

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#33 Jerry MacWire
October 24 2008, 09:49PM
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"Then we heard they chirped Brownlee and Gregor too, a big no-no in our books. We live in constant fear of Brownlee and Gregor; why should foreigners be any different?"

I hate to post anonymously but I have to. I have seen Brownlee in person. Closeup. Close enough to be afraid. Very afraid.

Thank God for radio.

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#34 Wanye Gretz
October 24 2008, 10:42PM
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Ah the interwebs. What an amusing place to be. I don't have a CLUE what anyone is talking about on this post.

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#35 Jonathan Willis
October 24 2008, 10:47PM
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As much as I hate to stoke this crazy fire, Pensblog is back to being open to the public.

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#36 The Towel Boy
October 25 2008, 12:21AM
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TB: These Penguini sissies don’t have any junk for little Johnny to kick. If they did, they wouldn’t be locking down access to their website after running their mouths.

I can't argue with that logic.

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#37 BUCK75
October 25 2008, 07:48AM
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As much as I hate to stoke this crazy fire, Pensblog is back to being open to the public.

We weren't here for a while appologies We were busy making our blog look like a nascar driver

With all the traffic from the Nation, they will be rolling like Mike Commodore now.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Puck-Daddy-chats-with-Mike-Commodore-about-that-?urn=nhl,116395

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#38 Joe
October 25 2008, 12:38PM
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What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Bad buck!! Very bad buck!

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#39 baggedmilk
October 25 2008, 02:07PM
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Those pussies didn't update anything, they ran their mouth and then locked their blog. I'm guessing they unblocked after coming to the mighty ON and saw that everyone was making fun of them.

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#40 OregonStateFan
October 25 2008, 03:27PM
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Is that a picture of the icy hot stuntaz? I had no idea they were one and the same with the anal pengblog. No wonder they're so lame!

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#41 Wanye Gretz
October 25 2008, 05:36PM
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Buck75 -

Great start to the blog. The business with the pelting of the ice with an unusual item was hilarious.

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#42 Wanye Gretz
October 25 2008, 05:36PM
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Oh and oregonstatefan

those are the icy hot stuntaz

MAD RESPECT for IDing them

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#43 Unleaded
October 25 2008, 07:23PM
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I know I'm a day late, and you already know this, but DAMN that was funny. It made me completely forget how shitty our team has played the last two games. With any luck, our boys will do the right thing and NOT REMIND ME in less than an hour.

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#44 rebecca pierce
October 27 2008, 10:29PM
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The site went down due to technical problems. I know because I'm a girlfriend who didn't get laid while the code was rewritten. Next time, ask first.

Dildos.

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#45 MikeyC
October 28 2008, 01:38AM
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Man how can you even compare this craptacular blog to pensblog? I am not even a Pens fan but it is infinitely times better than this piece of shit. Bagged milk, grow some balls and don't go running to someone else next time.. douche

Have a great day

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#46 Jesse
October 28 2008, 08:46AM
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It's good to know when the no name retards from Bagged Milk can't handle a situation themselves, they come here. What's the payment for this post? A few reach-arounds?

Nothing like sitting behind your computer screen and flexing that internet muscle. I'm sure the writers at tPB are scared to death, fearing when those writers from Oilers Nation arrive to beat them up.

Or not.

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#47 MJ
October 28 2008, 03:20PM
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BAH! This is amusing. I would say its just a game, but I know its not. I would say you're right, but I know you're not. Good luck Oiler Nation. There's still a lot of hockey to be played. Why fight about other bloggers, just write on your blogs about "FACTS". But keep in mind blogs are opinion based, so all have a bias. ThePensblog has a new format, they've been working on new format ideas since our season ended in the Stanley Cup Finals. They had to, or they would have gone insane. It hurts, still. Talk about the sport, and the teams, not someone elses blog, just because you don't agree. Its amusing, as is yours. 3 Column Format. Best wishes this season.

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